Only Collateral
by Cheshire6845
Summary: Captured during an attack against an alien planet's government, Janeway must fight to survive. Angst.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Paramount and TPTB as well as Ellen Emerson White. The fanfic author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

_Author's note:__ This fanfic is based on the story line of a book by Ellen Emerson White titled Long Live the Queen. I mean no disrespect to the author as the book was a story I enjoyed immensely. I read it years ago, and recently thought about how good a story it would be for Kathryn Janeway. _

_This one is for Ria. Thank you QS for all of your help and support! _

Only Collateral by Cheshire

To say she was surprised by the explosion was putting it mildly. Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay had just completed three day long negotiations with the Emers. A bulky humanoid species whose characteristics favored darkened skin due to their blue blood and solid black eyes. It had been a pleasant negotiation with several hours spent bargaining good naturedly while sitting beachside. By nightfall, the command team and the ruling councilor, along with his diplomats, were en route to a dinner at a traditional hall to officially conclude the trade agreement. Exiting the palace promenade, they were halfway to the ground transportation units that would deliver them to the hall when the first explosion sent two of the junior delegates at the rear of the party flying through the air. Within seconds, the entire area erupted in smoke and deafening bangs.

Chakotay had been walking next to Janeway when the attack began. He threw his arm around her shoulders and began to pull her to the ground. She glanced up in time to see the Councilor standing stock still, frozen in shock. Janeway immediately jumped to her feet, pulling free of Chakotay's grasp and ran towards the councilor, intending to pull him to safety. She heard Chakotay shout her name just as she reached the ruling Emer. His body jolted in front of her outstretched hand, and a spray of blue blood spattered her face. His heavy mass fell towards her taking her down to the ground.

She felt the air rush from her lungs as she hit the ground trapped beneath the Councilor. She pushed against his body, feeling her hands slip in his blue blood, and miraculously felt the body move off of her. Then she felt herself being pulled to her feet and an arm wrap around her. In a daze, she heard Chakotay's voice from a distance yelling for her, and she realized it wasn't his arms that were around her waist. She turned in the grasp that held her, and came face to face with an Emer that had not been part of the diplomat party. She wrenched herself free of the alien's grasp only to be hit from behind by a falling diplomat.

Janeway's knees hit the ground, sending a jolt through her entire body. She kept herself from falling over with a quick hand to the ground. She had just regained her footing when the blast from another explosion sent her flying. She felt the impact through her entire body when she landed several meters away skidding across the rough stone street. All the noises from the fighting had gone quiet, replaced only by the ringing in her ears. She managed to raise her head, and through the smoky haze she could see Chakotay on his feet fighting hand to hand with an Emer. Planting her shaky, skinned palms on the street and blinking rapidly to clear her vision, she began to push herself up when she felt herself being lifted again.

Before she could protest, she was being half carried, half dragged by two Emers. There was one on each side of her, each grasping beneath an arm. The only problem was that they were running away from the ongoing melee. The aliens carrying her were shouting to someone in front of them. Janeway felt herself being pulled into a ground transport as the aliens clambered in behind her. Pulling herself out of her daze, she began to desperately struggle against them before they could seal the transport. But she felt it jolt as it got under way with one of the aliens outside still holding on to the open door. She kicked out and hit his hand, causing him to release the door, but the vehicle didn't slow. She lunged for the door, scrambling toward it on her stomach. Hands latched onto her legs, dragging her back, and pain exploded behind her eyes as something heavy slammed into the side of her head.

Janeway's vision tunneled, but she fought to remain conscious as she saw the door of the transport close. She felt her arms being wrenched behind her and metal tightening around her wrists. Someone flipped her over on her back, trapping her hands beneath her own weight. She heard a calm voice echo above all the nervous movement in the transport.

"Take the badge and destroy it."

"No!" She wouldn't be able to understand them if they took it. Voyager wouldn't be able to lock onto her. She feebly tried to squirm out of reach in the confined space.

The last thing she heard before her comm. badge was destroyed was the calm voice again. "Knock her out."

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

_For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1. _

Janeway heard a groan. She barely recognized it as issuing from herself. She opened her eyes slowly and groaned again, this time knowingly. Her head felt like someone shattered her skull and then hammered it back together without matching up all the pieces. Her entire body ached with every breath she took, and she felt like every beat of her heart throbbed a little louder. She supposed she should be happy it was still beating at all.

She was lying on her back on a floor on a mattress of some sort. Her left arm was wrenched up above her head. She had no idea where she was, but she knew she wasn't on Voyager. She attempted to move her arm to a more comfortable position, and felt metal bite into her wrist as pain knifed through her shoulder at the movement. She craned her head around to look, and immediately regretted the rash movement, clenching her eyes shut as blinding pain stabbed behind her eyes. Swallowing thickly, she slowly opened her eyes again and was able to see that there was a metal cuff around her wrist. The cuff had a thick small chain on it which connected to a round peg embedded in the stone wall.

As she looked at her arm, she couldn't help but notice that she was also no longer wearing her uniform. The black clad sleeve she was expecting to see had been replaced with a simple white tunic. She turned her head, albeit more slowly this time, to look down at her body. The tunic was matched with coarse brown pants, both were of a material she was vaguely familiar with. It looked like the same material worn by the Emer attendants she had seen at the palace. The palace. She remembered now. She inhaled a shaky breath as the events that had brought her here came back in a rush.

With extreme effort she pushed past the pain of her aching head and sore muscles, and managed to turn over so she could see her restraint. She began pulling on it in earnest, hoping to free it from the wall. With her attention fixed on the wall, she missed seeing the movement outside. The door to the small room banged open startling her.

Janeway turned back over as three Emers entered the room. Two stayed by the door leaving one to walk by himself towards the bed where she lay. She managed to get into a sitting position with her back against the wall, but her arm still stretched out to her side as the alien squatted down in front of her.

She raised her chin and let righteous indignation fill her voice. "What do you want with me?"

The Emer in front of her cocked his head and smiled. "What makes you think we want anything from you?"

Janeway was startled. His voice sounded muffled as though she was hearing it through a tunnel, but she hadn't expected to be able to understand them at all or vice versa. She had spoken just so they would know she wasn't beaten or cowed. She watched as he reached into his belt and removed a small, silver, rectangular-shaped item with a single green light on it. He flicked a switch, and the light turned red. He spoke again, and all she could hear was a series of clicks and gurgles coming from his mouth.

He turned the light green again. "Understand?"

"Yes," she nodded. "Release me. I have nothing you want."

The small smile of his returned. "You aren't exactly in a position to make demands."

"You'll gain nothing by imprisoning me," she spoke again.

"I've already been paid. Now, I'm just holding up my end of the deal."

He looked extremely comfortable sitting on his haunches in front of her. She considered kicking her feet out and knocking him over, but doubted she would gain anything from it for her trouble. "What deal?"

He shook his head slightly. Apparently he wasn't going to answer that. "This is what you need to know; your treatment here will be a direct result of how you act. So be good, and I won't have to hurt you."

The condescending manner in the way he said that made Janeway immediately sneer. She was about to retort when he reached out with one of his large hands and squeezed the side of her head. She gasped involuntarily as her eyes watered at the pain his action produced. He spoke quietly, "It's really going to hurt if I hit you there."

He released her, and she blinked rapidly, breathing fast. She glared at him, but didn't trust her voice yet to speak. He glanced at his hand. It had her red blood on it, but he simply wiped it on the leg of her trousers with disinterest.

"I pride myself on being a professional. I was hired to do a job, and I plan to do just that. I'm required to keep you alive for a certain amount of time, but there are no conditions for how you are to be treated during that time." He paused to make sure she was listening. "Some of my men were fascinated by your pale skin when we stripped off your uniform. They were very interested in seeing if our two species were compatible."

He gestured to the two men standing by the door, and Janeway couldn't help but glance in that direction. Her skin crawled at the thought of them leering over her unconscious and naked body. He continued, "Don't give me a reason to reward them. Do we understand each other?"

"Yes," she agreed, looking him in the eye. "How long have I been here, and how long is this going to go on?"

He just shook his head again, and stood to leave.

"Wait." she stopped him. "Am I the only one?"

He looked at her curiously, waiting for her to continue.

She hadn't wanted to spell it out, but it seemed he wasn't going to help her any. "One of my crew was with me when you attacked."

"Oh, him." He glanced at one of the guards by the door. Janeway looked over and noticed one of the guards shift uncomfortably. "What about him?"

Janeway wasn't entirely sure what that exchange had been about, but she needed to know about Chakotay. "Is he here?"

"No."

She was frustrated with his lack of forthcoming, and the pounding in her head was starting to make her nauseous. "What happened to him?"

He shrugged, and moved towards the door. The two guards stepped out ahead of him. "Last I saw he was laid out on the ground. He's probably dead."

He turned out the light in the room, and closed the door behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

_For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1._

* * *

Kathryn almost threw up. She leaned her head back against the wall, and took slow deep breaths, holding back tears that had sprung up too easily. She was already sick to her stomach from the constant throbbing of her head, and now hearing the casual announcement that Chakotay was probably dead hadn't helped matters. He couldn't be dead. It was impossible. Wasn't it?

Her mind quickly raced through everything she could remember about what happened. It had all started and ended so quickly. No more than a few minutes could have passed. Anything longer than that and reinforcements from the government would have arrived. She remembered being in the transport. The feeling of the confined space with several Emers all around her and over her had been suffocating. There had been a distinct tang in the air of both weapon's smoke and fear.

She tried to remember what she had heard. They were leaving someone. Someone hadn't made it. There was a second transport. All the voices were shouting, and then the one very calm one had easily reached her ears past all the others. That voice belonged to the Emer she had just been talking to. He was definitely the leader, and he had said he was a professional. Thinking how calm he had sounded in the midst of everyone else's near panic made her believe him.

She was extremely tired, and it was becoming increasingly hard to concentrate. It felt like the more she searched her thoughts the more elusive they became. She cautiously reached up to where he had grabbed her head, and felt dried, crusty blood mixed in with tacky, sticky blood. She could feel her hair plastered and sticking to what felt like a sizable lump as well. The wound she had there had probably reopened with his heavy-handed intimidation tactics. She was getting light headed sitting up, so she did her best to gently lower herself until she was lying on her back again. Her shoulder protested being put back into the awkward position, but since that was the least of her pains she ignored it.

Kathryn tried to think further back, before she was in the transport. She had been trapped under the Councilor. She looked down at her hands, and realized they still had a blue tint to them from the Councilor's blood. The dark buildup under her nails did nothing for her nausea. If she'd still had her uniform on she knew it would have to have been soaked through with the dark blue lifeblood of the Councilor. She was tempted to look down her shirt and see if her chest was stained as well, but decided against it.

The Councilor was dead. Of that she was sure. Damn these people, she had truly liked the Councilor. He had made her laugh.

But what about Chakotay? Surely, he wasn't. He couldn't be. She had seen him. He had been fighting an Emer. But when had that been?

Everything was blurring together. Her ears had been ringing, and the smoke had burned in her lungs. Lying here in the darkened room, she could still smell the smoke. The smell must be clinging to her hair. She forced herself to concentrate. She had seen Chakotay on his feet, fighting. It had to have been after the initial explosion. She balled her hand into a fist and felt the skin of her palm. It was rough and sensitive to her touch. It felt like someone had run a grater over it. That was it. She had felt the rocks digging into her hand when she had tried to get to her feet. She had seen Chakotay and had wanted to help him, to reach his side, but that's when she had been picked up again. In their flight, they had dragged her with them to the transport.

He had still been alive when everyone had piled into the transport fleeing the scene. He was still alive. He had to be. She closed her eyes. She knew she shouldn't sleep, but convincing herself that Chakotay was still alive had drained what precious energy she had. Feeling slightly elated at her conclusion, she passed out.


	4. Chapter 4

_For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1._

* * *

The light in the room came on, causing Janeway to immediately awaken. Years of instinct honed by red alerts caused her to push herself up almost to a sitting position before she remembered where she was. Her left arm was completely numb, and the walls of the room spun as she barely made it up to one elbow. She panted slightly as the room took its time to stop spinning. The Emer who had spoken before stood beside the mattress looking down at her.

Grinning, he gave a small chuckle as he watched her take in a deep breath before she was able to look up at him. She was really beginning to hate that smile. "Can I help you with something?"

He chuckled again. "You want to go to the bathroom or what?"

The offer took her by surprise, but now that she thought about it, she was extremely thankful. She nodded. He squatted down in front of her again. "Give me your other hand."

Not waiting for her, he reached over and grabbed her right wrist putting a cuff on it. He connected her two wrists together before he released the cuff restraining her to the wall. He gave her a quick little smile before hauling her to her feet. She fell against him, unsteady from the sudden movement. Janeway pushed off him, feeling dizzy as hell, but knowing that he had done it on purpose.

He gestured to the door. "Walk."

Janeway's first two steps were very wobbly, but by her third she felt slightly more assured. Her legs still felt shaky, but she knew she wouldn't fall over. The surface of the floor was cold against her bare feet, but it was smooth and she was thankful for small favors. She walked through the door to see a darkened hallway with nothing in sight but another door a few meters down and an adjoining hallway in the opposite direction. She was disappointed there were no windows visible. She didn't even know if it was day or night. He nudged her in the back, directing her towards the other door.

He reached past her at the door and activated a light in what she could now see was a very small bathroom. He caused the door to remain in its open position, and then leaned against the wall next to it. "Don't take too long."

It was awkward with her hands trapped together in front of her, but Janeway managed her business as quickly as she could. Completing that feat, she crossed back to the sink and began running cold water over her hands, washing away the remaining traces of blue. She looked above the sink and saw a reflective surface. She wouldn't really call it a mirror, but she could see a slightly distorted image of herself looking back.

Janeway immediately cupped her hands under the water and let them fill so she could wash her face. The water running down the drain as she splashed her face was tinged with both blue and red. She managed to clean her face and neck, washing away more of her own blood than the Emer's now. She could see she had a split in her skin running from her right eyebrow into her hairline at her temple. There was dark bruising radiating out from the split and filling in all the space around her eye. Swelling started at her temple, and ran towards the back of her head, hidden mostly by her hair. She washed away crusty blood from her chin and beneath her nose. Her cracked lips and the fact that her nose had been bleeding didn't bother her really, but the streak of dried blood she washed away from her ear concerned her slightly.

"You're done." The Emer reappeared in the doorframe.

Janeway glanced over at him without moving. She gestured to the water still running in the sink. "Is this drinkable?"

He laughed and grabbed her by the arm pulling, her out of the bathroom. He didn't let go of her as the running water ceased and he shut the light down. Keeping his grip on her arm, he directed her back to the room where he pushed her through the door ahead of himself.

She pulled her arm free of his grasp. "I know the way."

He let her take a few steps towards the mattress before he spun her around, kicking her feet out from under her and causing her to fall to the mattress. Trapping her outstretched legs under one of his, he knelt down. He wrapped his hand in the front of her tunic, jerking her forward so his face was only inches away from hers. "Don't test me, Janeway. You won't like it."

He made quick work of cuffing her back to the wall and releasing the link that bound her hands together. Standing, he stepped back from her, keeping a wary eye on her legs. Janeway was fuming, but she noticed that he moved out of her striking range before he relaxed.

She looked up at him, trying to ignore the rolling pain behind her eyes. He was smiling again. She used her free hand to push some loose hair out of her face. "Afraid I'll bite?"

He shook his head, but the smile remained. "I knew I was right about you. I'm glad to see you aren't a crier."

"You know nothing about me."

"I may not know you, but I know your type."

She did not like the cocky set of his body, and she certainly did not like the way this conversation was going. She wanted to turn the tables. "You were lying earlier when you said my officer was killed."

He shrugged, unconcerned. "Maybe."

"I think he's still alive."

He moved towards the door. "Think what you want."

The light shut off. Janeway watched as he closed the door behind him before leaning her head back against the wall and closing her eyes. She exhaled a shaky breath and swallowed. She had to be right. God, she hoped she was right.

_

* * *

__A continuous and ongoing thank-you to QS for her beta efforts despite my tinkering after the fact._


	5. Chapter 5

_For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1._

* * *

Kathryn Janeway hated sitting still. Despite how much her head still ached, she really wanted to move around. She had always felt better while on the move. Even the simple act of standing up would have made her happy right now. The chain attached to her wrist didn't allow enough room for her to be able to stand unless she wanted to bend over and touch her toes, and she really thought her head might fall off if she tried that. As far as she was concerned, its attachment to the rest of her body was precarious at best.

She had absolutely no sense of time. It had been early evening on the day this had all started, but she had no idea how long she had been unconscious after that. The amount of time she had spent sleeping since then was also unclear to her, but it was definitely more than she was accustomed to. After all, it seemed she had a lack of other pressing appointments.

The Emer in charge had returned and taken her to the bathroom twice more, but even then she'd only seen the inside of the building and still had no indication of the passage of time. The only constant she had was the continuing throb in her head and the dull roaring in her ear. Both had lessened enough that she was no longer nauseous anymore, or dizzy when she stood, but their constant presence was wearing on her. She also had a new problem. Now that she didn't feel sick to her stomach, she was beginning to realize how empty it was.

She had been looking forward to the banquet they were supposed to attend that first night this began, because she hadn't really eaten much that day as they had been busy concluding the negotiations. And now…now she had no idea how long it had been since she'd eaten. At her best guess, she'd assume it had been at least three days, but there was no way she could be sure. She did know that she would kill for a cup of coffee. She'd happily slap the grin off that Emer's face if it would help her to obtain a mug of her favorite beverage. She'd slap him just for the hell of it, if she had the chance. She knew the lack of caffeine was at least somewhat responsible for the continued pounding behind her eyes; it wasn't just the concussion.

She'd at least managed several handfuls of water from the sink each time she had been escorted to the bathroom. Throwing caution to the wind, she favored drinking poor quality water over the dry burning feel inside her mouth. She'd almost choked when the cool water hit her parched throat the first time. The Emer heard her gag and stuck his head in the room, chuckling at her efforts as she leaned over the sink. At least he'd allowed her to take a few more handfuls before dragging her back to the room.

Her feet were practically numb, they were so cold. The room was staying a constant temperature of uncomfortably cool for her. Not freezing or debilitating, just enough chill that she had begun to curl into a ball when she slept. She found the most comfortable way to sleep was on her side with her head resting on the arm that remained outstretched and chained to the wall. Whenever she woke, she had to flex her left hand to return feeling to it as it, too, remained cold and numb.

She'd almost adjusted to the coolness of the room except for her bare feet. She usually liked padding around barefoot, but that had always been reserved for the end of the day, when she returned to her quarters. Ironically, she'd always considered Starfleet carpet to be rather on the coarse side, but each time she set her feet down on this cold stone floor she missed the feel of digging her toes into the soft fibers of her ship.

That was another thing she really didn't like about sitting still. It gave her too much time to think. She had thought about home probably more in this little room than she had allowed herself to in the past six years put together. Her thoughts tended to stray to Voyager and the adopted family she had there, but she kept pushing those thoughts away, locking them back into the corner of her mind. Voyager was too close to her heart to think about right now, especially with her tenuous belief concerning Chakotay's fate. She really didn't want to examine that issue again anytime soon, so instead she redirected her thoughts to Earth.

According to the Pathfinder transmission they'd so recently received, the Federation was just beginning to recover from a war with an enemy she hadn't even known. The casualties had been high, and she wondered what her role would have been if the Caretaker had never come along. Would she even be alive? She snorted to herself. No, she probably wouldn't. She didn't know the exact casualty list, but she knew that enough captains had died and enough starships had been destroyed that the odds would not have been in her favor.

And what about the Maquis? Surely, most of them would have been hunted down and destroyed as so many of them back home had been. She couldn't imagine her life without B'Elanna's fiery presence or Chakotay's warm comfort.

Chakotay. Even thinking about Earth, a place that held no connections to him for her, and her thoughts had strayed right back to him.

She rolled her neck, feeling muscles stretch and hearing more than a few pops. Indiana. She could think about Indiana and its corn fields. She allowed a small smile to creep across her face as she thought about her mother and Phoebe. She couldn't wait until the day that she could stroll into Phoebe's studio again and marvel at her sister's artwork. Kathryn had always felt so comfortable in her sister's studio. When they were older, but both still living at home, Phoebe had converted the shed in the backyard into her studio.

After the death of their father, Kathryn no longer took solace from going into his office as she had, when she was a child. One day, while her sister was in class, she'd ventured into Phoebe's studio. There, Kathryn found an unfinished abstract painting, which she immediately recognized as their father's gentle, adventurous soul. Since that day, even after the painting had been moved into the house, Kathryn had always felt a sense of comfort while in her sister's studio. She laughed as she thought about how, some days, she felt more comfortable in the studio than she did spending actual time with her sister. Phoebe may have calmed down in recent years, but she was still a very flighty individual that managed to make Kathryn's ordered world spin on its axis from time to time.

Kathryn sighed, she was thankful Phoebe couldn't see her now.

_

* * *

__I simply must insert thanks here to splv for writing a wonderful Phoebe fic that inspired me!_


	6. Chapter 6

_For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1._

* * *

Some time later, Kathryn could just barely hear something out in the hall, and this time she wasn't caught off guard when the door opened and the light came on. He walked in carrying a chair in one hand and food of some kind in the other. Kathryn couldn't even tell what it was that he was eating, but the mere sight of food made her stomach growl. He smiled at her as he set the chair down, out of her reach, and held up one finger. "Be right back."

The door stayed partially open for what had to be the first time ever, but she could see a boot right outside, so she knew she was still being well guarded. It wasn't as though she had managed to escape the shackle, but she guessed they weren't taking any chances. The Emer came back into the room, and sat down in the chair popping the last bite of food into his mouth, while resting a mug on his leg as he chewed.

Kathryn knew from early in the negotiations that the Emers did not have coffee, but unlike Neelix's attempts, they did actually have a substitute that was almost equal to coffee. Kathryn had drunk some every day of the negotiations. The aroma that wafted towards her from the mug made her mouth water as her senses recognized the beverage. She also noticed he was blatantly drinking it in front of her without offering her any handout. He probably wanted to make her beg.

"So, started thinking about home yet?" he asked, interrupting her thoughts.

"What?" She had been told the Emers were not a telepathic species. Surely, he didn't actually _know_ that's what she had been thinking about.

He shrugged. "By this time, most people in your predicament have stopped obsessing about escaping and have started thinking about all the things they're going to miss."

She chose to ignore the obvious bait and answered simply, "No, I wasn't thinking about home."

"Your ship then?" he asked.

"No."

"Yeah, you were." He wagged a finger at her. "You're one of _those_ captains aren't you?"

"Excuse me?"

"I've been around my fair share of captains, and they generally fall into one of three categories. The first category is the idiots and assholes. Those are the ones that are either so stupid they're going to get everyone killed, or they're such assholes that one day their own crew will kill them." He sipped his drink before continuing. "The second type, is the kind of captain that thinks they own their crew. Sell 'em, trade 'em, beat 'em, fuck 'em, however and whenever they please."

Janeway looked appalled, but he continued.

"I don't think you're either one of those types." He shook his head. "No, I saw how that officer of yours tried to save you. I don't think he would've gotten himself killed for you if…"

"Chakotay is not dead," she stated emphatically, and then mentally kicked herself for saying his name. She hadn't meant to give the Emer any information he didn't already possess.

"Chakotay, huh?" he smiled, catching her slip. "You call your officers by name, just helps prove my point."

"And what is your point?"

"I'd bet you're one of those tragic captains. The type that think of their crew as family. Almost as though your crewmembers were your own children. You really love all of them, but you have to keep yourself distant 'cause no matter how much you love them, they're going to screw up, and then it's up to you to discipline them. And no matter how much you love them, you just might have to send them off to die." He sipped at his drink. "You sit alone at night wondering if they're all off having a good time on shore leave, but you don't join them because you know that if you do they won't see _you_ joining them as part of the family. They'll only see their _captain_ coming to check on them admonishing them to stay out of trouble."

Kathryn blinked and felt the heat rising in her cheeks. He certainly had hit the nail extremely close to the head, and it hurt. She tried to recover before he noticed, although judging by the shit-eating grin on his face it was a futile attempt.

She cleared her throat. "If you aren't here to share your coffee or food, then I am really not interested in having this conversation."

He looked down into his mug and swirled the dregs. "Coffee? This is _ulshner. _You should've told me you wanted some; I would've brought you a cup."

Janeway snorted disbelieving as he finished off the remains of the drink. He smacked his lips. "_Ulshner_ is good stuff; maybe if you keep behaving I'll let you try some."

"And if I continue to 'behave'," Janeway said, having a hard time spitting the words out. "Will you bring me something to eat as well?"

"Nope." He shook his head. "No need. I only have to keep you alive for a certain amount of time, and you won't starve to death before that time is up."

"How long do you expect to keep me here?"

He shrugged, the amusement never leaving his face.

She eyed him, wondering how much he knew about humans. "How long do you think I can go without food?"

"Guess we'll find out," he said, standing up pushing the chair back.

He trapped her legs again while going through the ritual of cuffing and uncuffing her for her trip to the bathroom. "But I figure you have at least several days left before you wither away, and that's really all the time I have to concern myself with."

He led her to the bathroom and again let her drink water from the sink. Once he had her returned and shackled again, he kicked the chair to the far end of the room and started for the door. Just before he deactivated the lights, he turned back to her.

"People always think about what they want to eat for their last meal. At least you don't have to worry about that," he said, the room darkening on his last words. "You've already had it."


	7. Chapter 7

_For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1._

* * *

Kathryn sat in stunned silence. Over the years, she had heard a lot of threats and a lot of lies. Most of them were grandiose claims meant to intimidate her, but she didn't think that was the situation this time. She believed him. He had no reason to feed her, because he was going to kill her before starvation became a real factor.

Shit.

But then what was the purpose of kidnapping her? Why bother keeping her alive at all? There had to be a reason for the delay, but she knew he'd never tell her. He hadn't given up a single scrap of useful information, aside from the bit about killing her, but he had revealed nothing about his motivations.

She stretched out on the small mattress and stared at the blank ceiling. Why had they kidnapped her in the first place? What was their ultimate agenda? It galled her to not have a clue about the true answer to these questions. She really didn't think her presence on the planet had been common knowledge long enough for anyone to construct such an intricate plan, but her kidnappers had obviously been well prepared. They'd had at least two transports. They had this base established already, and it had been prepared to house at least one prisoner, if not more. The building obviously had some sort of shielding, or Voyager would have beamed her out by now.

Maybe she hadn't been their target at all. Their original target had probably been the Councilor, with her as collateral, but then he got killed in the fighting, and she became the primary hostage. Or maybe it was even simpler than that. They had grabbed her on the way to the transport. Was it all just happenstance that she ended up here? That thought did not make her feel even the slightest bit better about her circumstances. In fact, it assured her that he meant what he said. If this had simply been an attack on the government, she held no real value other than as a bargaining chip in the event they were captured. That had to be why he hadn't already killed her. She was just some sort of insurance policy. Once they knew they were free and clear, she was dead. They were simply biding their time and waiting for everything to settle down before disposing of the evidence.

Up until now, she had thought her tacit cooperation had been the best strategy, but if they were just going to kill her anyway, there was no point in that anymore. Then again, her cooperation might end up helping her out after all. He had become more relaxed around her because she hadn't tried anything outside of a few surly comments. Of course, now that he had assured her she was going to die he might be more cautious. It didn't really matter if he became more vigilant or not; she was going to have to try and escape. After all, she had nothing to lose.

Janeway eyed the restraint on her wrist again. She had tried every way she could think of, short of dislocating her thumb to get the damn thing off, and nothing had worked. She reconsidered that option now, examining her thumb, but decided against it. If she had to fight her way out, an essentially broken thumb would not help matters. In all her pulling and twisting, she hadn't even felt any loosening of the stone to which the hook was embedded. She only felt more chafing of the skin on her wrist.

She wondered how many of her kidnappers were here at any given time. After that first day, she hadn't seen any of the other guards except for him. She'd caught a glimpse of one of them when he had come in with his food. She'd also heard more than one voice on occasion, but other than that, the other Emers had not played active roles in her captivity. Janeway mulled over her options. Overpowering them physically would not work, even if she was at her best-which she certainly wasn't. She'd have to make a run for it during her next bathroom visit, and hope like hell that she could make it far enough to conceal herself somehow.

This thin plan was a gamble. Suicidal more likely, but she couldn't just continue to sit here and do nothing. She was already beginning to feel tired and sluggish from the lack of food and her ongoing dehydration. If she didn't try to escape soon, what little chance she had would vanish along with her waning strength and energy. She let her eyes close and curled her body into a semi-fetal position. She would glean what little energy she could from sleep, and try for a miracle when she next awoke.


	8. Chapter 8

_For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1._

* * *

She had already been awake for some time when she heard the door activate, but she remained lying down hoping he would think she'd just woken up. The lights flashed on overhead, and he came over to the mattress and nudged her. "Rise and shine."

Janeway opened her eyes and looked up at him. "Why should I bother?"

"Oh, don't tell me," he mocked. "You've given up?"

Even if she hadn't been faking her apathy, his insolent tone would've been more than enough to get a rise out of her. Now it just helped fuel her resolve. She pushed herself up to a sitting position. "I wouldn't give you the satisfaction of giving up."

"That's my girl," he said, still looking down at her.

She felt like a stone had just dropped into her gut. "Don't. Call me that."

He didn't laugh, but his smile got wider as he put the double cuff on her free wrist. "What's the matter, Captain? You got a boy on ship to call you that?"

Kathryn didn't reply as he finished cuffing her wrists together. She really wanted to knock him flat on his ass while he squatted in front of her, but she needed to wait. She needed to be on her feet, giving her legs a few minutes to adjust before she tried anything. She had been stretching them before he came in, but all her joints were incredibly stiff, so she couldn't rely on her reflexes being as fast as normal.

He hauled her to her feet and prodded her to the door. "I bet you do, don't you? You've got some fresh-faced young boy at your beck and call don't you?"

Harry's young face flashed across Janeway's mind. Not as he was now, but back to that first day in her ready room. He would do anything for her she knew, but not in the way this pervert made it sound. Well, if she were really honest about it, Harry would probably do that too, but she shook her head before that thought went any further.

The Emer apparently didn't need for her to respond to his comments. "Or maybe it's a young girl you keep stashed in your quarters for all those special needs."

Janeway stopped in the door of the bathroom and faced him. There were so many things she wanted to say to him, but she bit her tongue and simply let him see the disgust on her face at his suggestions. He chuckled, and took up his usual position leaning against the wall.

Kathryn stopped at the sink. She was so dehydrated she didn't even need to use the facilities for their designed purpose. She ran the water in the sink and took the first mouthful of water slowly, letting it moisten her mouth and throat before she swallowed too much. Her past couple of trips had taught her to be cautious as it was easier on her body to sip first, rather than going through a coughing, gagging spell that did nothing but increase the pain on her already scratchy, dry throat.

After her throat relaxed with the first mouthful, she was able to drink heartily. Janeway tried not to think about the possibility of this being her last taste of water. After several handfuls, she bent double letting her forehead rest between her arms on the cool metal surface of the sink. She wanted to appear weakened, but she kept her eyes open watching the floor for a sign of his boots.

They appeared as she heard his mocking voice. "Now, what's the matter?"

Janeway kept her head down, mumbling into her arms. "Dizzy."

"Well, that'll happen when you don't eat properly." He pulled on her until she was upright and moving back through the door into the hallway. She wanted to retort, but she needed to keep up the pretense that she was in slightly worse condition than she actually was. It wasn't difficult.

They were two steps away from her door when she stumbled to a stop and dropped her head slightly, allowing herself to sway. She felt him move up a step closer so he was only slightly behind her, but more to her side, which was exactly where she needed him to be. With all the energy and strength she could muster, she laced her hands together and swung her elbow around in a high arc, striking him on the chin and knocking his head upwards. She had surprised him, and she pushed her advantage by shoving him in the chest as hard as she could, shoving him further away. He stumbled back, falling into the wall, and Janeway spun on her heel, running for the end of the hall.

Running with her hands trapped together in front of her body was awkward, but she couldn't slow. She knew that he was already back on his feet. She rounded the corner of the hall, and ran right into another guard. The guard's weapon went flying, and they both hit the floor in a tangle of arms and legs. Janeway landed on top of the guard, and she delivered a double fisted blow to the guard's chest before she felt herself being lifted into the air.

She knew before she hit the wall that it was over. The Emer that was the leader of this bunch, the Emer that she'd had the gall to knock down and try to escape from had caught up to her. His massive hands threw her against the wall, knocking the air from her lungs in a rush. Crushing all the space between them, he held her in place with his entire body. His left forearm pressed into her chest, pinning her against the wall as his right hand reached around to the small of his back. He pulled out a serrated blade, and held it against her neck. The teeth on the blade dug into her skin, and she felt the telltale itch of blood as it ran down the front of her neck.

Despite the knife cutting into her throat, Janeway refused to back down, and she stared into his dark orbs. Up until that moment, she hadn't been able to read any emotion in the dark eyes of the Emers, but now she could see a dark red shading his black eyes. She knew in that moment that he was deciding whether or not to kill her.

They were both breathing hard, and she could feel a film of sweat beading on her forehead. They stared at each other for what felt like hours, until finally, he slowly withdrew the blade, letting it nick her as he moved it away.

He stepped back from her, and she sagged against the wall, resisting the urge to bring her hands up to her neck. They continued their face off, but now with the other guard standing by his side. Finally, she watched as he exhaled, and she knew the moment was over. The decision had been made.

The Emer turned to the guard and spoke calmly, "Break the leg."

His words had barely registered in Janeway's mind when the guard slammed the butt stock of his weapon into the outside edge of her knee. She yelled out and crumpled to the floor. The guard brought the weapon down full force on her now-twisted leg once more before standing back. Janeway gasped, doubling over her leg, sweat rolling down her face. She gulped in breaths of air, her heart beating frantically as her fingers clutched at her mangled limb.

The Emer nodded silently at the guard instructing him to leave. He stood over her, watching calmly. Janeway tried to regain her composure, but the intense flames of agony racing up from her knee and leg to the rest of her body were all consuming. Very slowly, she managed to calm her breathing. She tried to collect her body's outrage at the injury so she could lock it away in her mind, but was only partially successful. Her hands clenched and unclenched while her thigh trembled. She finally managed to put her head back against the wall and look up at the Emer standing over her.

Her breaths were ragged, and her voice shook with fury and agony. "Guess you didn't….know me….as well as you…..thought."

He wasn't smiling anymore. His face showed no emotion at all as he gestured down the hall. "It's time to go back to your room, Captain."


	9. Chapter 9

_For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1._

_This part is really short so I decided to go ahead and post it today. _

* * *

Janeway had never felt so utterly helpless in all her life. She lay on the mattress staring at the ceiling, her entire body quivering. Her free hand clutched at the pallet she was lying on, while her right leg restlessly moved up and down. She kept her left leg as still as possible despite the continuous trembling of her muscles. She repeatedly tried to calm herself using meditation techniques Tuvok had taught her, but so far her concentration had been grossly inadequate for the task.

The Emer had forced her to crawl down the hall and all the way back to the room. She had never felt as humiliated and infuriated as she did making her way down the hall using her elbows and one good leg to propel herself forward. It had been a slow, excruciatingly painful process that had taken every last, remaining reserve of energy she had. Energy that she so desperately needed.

She'd made it to the edge of the mattress, when he grabbed her by her cuffed wrists and dragged her the last meter, causing her to gasp at the sudden jolt of movement to her leg. He affixed the usual restraints and left the room without saying a word. She'd lain there on the floor with her left arm stretched out above her head for several minutes, before she gave a final effort, and managed to pull herself onto the mattress.

Janeway felt a single, hot tear escape the corner of her eye and run back towards her hair. She swallowed thickly and felt the tremors finally lessening. She tried a couple of shaky breaths to steady herself, and then raised her head just enough to look towards her feet. She saw enough and let her head drop back to the mattress. Below the knee, her left leg was lying at what should have been an impossible angle in relation to the top half of that same leg. She feared that even if she had been on Voyager, this would not be a quick fix. And she was no where near her beloved starship.

She wanted to be mad at herself for trying such a ridiculous plan. Tuvok would've called it rash, but even looking back she knew she'd had to try something. Maybe she could have tried something different, but now that was out of the question. She had used her one chance, and she had failed. She didn't believe she would get another.

The trembling finally stopped, but the muscles in her abdomen continued to clench as pain rolled over her in hot waves. Her constant headache, which had begun to ebb, now returned ten fold, and the control she had over the continuous rise of bile in her throat was fragile. Despite feeling as though she had a fever raging, she was cold. She was no longer sweating from the pain or exertion of her movements, but her skin now had that uncomfortable clammy feeling. If she had the energy, she would've scolded herself. Clammy skin was truly the least of her problems.

The muscles in her leg, unaccustomed to their current position, twitched. Janeway grit her teeth against the stab of pain the movement produced. She was so tired. Running shaky fingers over her neck, she could feel the dried flakes of blood that were still there. The cut wasn't deep, and she almost laughed. It wasn't like she'd be able to do anything about it even if it was life threatening. She recognized the laugh that had almost escaped her as a sure sign of approaching delirium. She let her hand fall back to her side. As long as she stayed very still she could almost forget her leg was broken. She closed her eyes. If only she could forget everything else from the past few days.


	10. Chapter 10

For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1.

* * *

Janeway blinked her eyes open and squinted against the glare from the overhead light. Had that been on earlier? She heard a clink and turned her head to the side. He was sitting in the chair watching her. Shit. She hadn't even heard him come in this time.

"Ho…," was all she managed before she had to stop. Her mouth was so dry she could barely speak. She tried again and her voice came out as a harsh whisper. "How long have you been in here?"

"Long enough," he said, reaching down and lifting a bottle off the floor. He poured pale green liquid into the glass he was holding. The bottle and glass clinked together, and Janeway recognized the noise. That's what she had heard. That meant he was already on at least his second glass of something that she was pretty sure was not coffee.

Gritting her teeth, she raised herself up on one elbow. She had to steady herself before she could go any further, but the captain in her was determined to at least be sitting upright as long as he was in the room. He sipped his drink and watched quietly as she struggled until her back was against the wall. She was breathing hard from the exertion, but when she looked up at him her eyes still held the same contempt as they had since day one.

He finished his drink and sneered at her. "You piss me off, Janeway."

She had leveraged herself against the wall that her hand was shackled to, so she had to turn her head to the left if she wanted to see him properly. She didn't bother. "I hear that a lot."

"I really wanted to kill you earlier." He refilled his glass and set the bottle on the floor again.

"I know," she said. She shifted slightly, gritting her teeth against the movement, and frowned at the grotesque angle of her leg. When he didn't continue, she turned to look at him. "Why didn't you?"

He stared at her for long enough that she didn't think he was going to answer the question. She leaned her head back against the wall, closing her eyes. If he didn't want to talk, she wasn't going to sit here and be his entertainment.

"It wouldn't have been professional to kill you then," he finally responded. Without moving her head, Janeway shifted her eyes in his direction.

"I guess you'd rather kill me when there are no personal feelings involved," she commented tiredly.

"Exactly." He almost seemed happy that she understood that. Janeway guessed that whatever he was drinking, this was not his first bottle. "You know, you are probably the first person I've ever had in this situation that hasn't begged me to spare their life."

She gave a small shrug. "It wouldn't help."

"Nope, it sure wouldn't." He finished the drink a third time and leaned forward. "But most people would try. Most _women_ would offer to do just about _anything,_ if only I'd let them go."

Rolling her head to the side so she could face him, she spoke. "I'm not most women."

He studied her for a moment, still leaning forward. "Do you want to die, Janeway?"

She frowned and lifted her head away from the wall, "No, I don't _want_ to die."

He leaned back in the chair, rubbing his chin. Janeway felt a small pang of satisfaction when she noticed his chin was bruised and slightly swollen. Refilling the glass, he held it out to her. "Have a drink with me, Janeway."

She eyed the glass but made no move to take it. "No."

"Come on." He continued to hold the glass out to her. "It'll make that leg feel better."

"It's not the drink I oppose," she clarified. "It's the company."

He let out a short bark of laughter and set the glass on the floor next to her shackled hand. "Just think of it as being medicinal."

She _was_ incredibly thirsty. A phrase her grandmother used to say came to mind, _I'm so thirsty I could spit cotton._ The muscles in her leg twitched bringing her back to the present and causing her to clench her jaw. He was watching her again waiting to see what she would do. She reached across her body with her free hand and picked up the glass. He nodded and took a drink straight from the bottle.

"Normally," she said, sniffing the drink. It had a fruity smell to it. "I would never drink with someone when I didn't even know their name."

He waited until she had taken a sip before he answered, "You don't really think I'm going to tell you my name, do you?"

"No," she said, swallowing. The first taste went down easily enough, so she tried another mouthful. "But you could tell me something to call you."

"Alright," he said and leaned forward again. "Why don't you call me….Chakotay?"

She glared at him, and her hand tightened around the glass she was holding. "I will not."

He noticed the white-knuckle grip she had on the glass. "If you do anything with that glass besides drink from it, I will break every single bone in both of your hands."

Janeway looked away from him and forced herself to relax the death grip she had on the glass. She'd been close to throwing the drink in his face. The very idea of calling him…she drained half the glass, relishing the feel of the liquid sliding down her throat.

He leaned over and refilled her glass. "What is it with you and him? And don't tell me he's just one of your officers."

She held the glass to her lips and spoke over the rim. "He's just one of my officers."

"Right." He took another swig from the bottle. "And I'm just a nice guy."

They drank in silence each lost in their own thoughts. Janeway had just finished the contents of her glass when her leg shuddered again with another muscle spasm. She sucked in air through her teeth and dug her other heel into the mattress letting the glass slip from her hand. She heard him set the bottle down and then his hands were on her leg as he crouched down beside her. She immediately tried to move away from him.

"What are you…" She wasn't able to finish the question before he suddenly jerked her injured leg. She cried out, completely unprepared, and tried to move away, planting her fists into the padding of the mattress. He gave another pull on it, and white pain exploded behind her eyes. Janeway couldn't even scream as her vision tunneled, and her world turned to black.


	11. Chapter 11

_For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1._

* * *

Janeway groaned as she regained consciousness. She was slumped over at the waist from what had been a sitting position, and she was incredibly uncomfortable. She swallowed thickly and moved her elbow to a position of support. Pushing off with her elbow, she managed to lean back against the wall. She was shaking from her shoulder all the way down her arm, but she pushed herself upright. Her breathing was coming in quick, hard gasps, and her heart felt as though it would explode from the effort.

While she tried to slow her breathing, she looked down at her leg. It was still horribly swollen, but it was straight out in front of her with her foot pointing in its natural direction. She let her head rest back against the wall again. The Emer had set the break. Why would he do that? For the life of her, she could not figure this guy out. He was completely detached from his work, he had no compunctions about killing or hurting people, and then he'd gone and done something like this.

With her free hand, she touched her knee, gingerly squeezing it. It was still incredibly sore and painful, causing her to gasp, but the muscles were no longer quivering. She heard the door activate, and she looked up, withdrawing her hand. He walked in and stood over her.

"Why did you do that?" she asked.

He shrugged, looking slightly uncomfortable.

Kathryn debated with herself. Since he caused the injury, she really shouldn't be thankful that he helped make it less painful. And yet…setting the injury did decrease the level of pain she was enduring and for that alone she was appreciative. "Thank you."

He locked eyes with her. "It doesn't change anything. I'm still going to kill you."

"I know." She gave him a small grin. "But I'm not dead yet."

"Yet," he acknowledged with a nod. He gestured toward the open door. "You have to go to the bathroom?"

She really didn't, but the idea of cool water was too good to pass up. She nodded. Before he could release her hand, one of the guards knocked on the door, gesturing for the Emer to join him. He immediately stood and crossed back to the doorway.

Janeway tensed. Never before had any of the other guards even shown themselves, much less felt the need to get his attention while he was with her. She couldn't make out what they were saying, but the energy of their speech was different. Something had changed. He glanced back at her and then stepped out of the room. An armed guard took his place by the door, and she could see hurried movement in the hallway.

"What's going on?" she asked when he walked back into the room. Two more of the guards came in with him, both carrying weapons. She pushed herself into the corner as best she could. He said something to the two guards, but all she heard was a series of clicks. He had turned off the translator.

Shit.

The two guards approached her, and Janeway forgot all about her broken leg. She completely ignored the chain restraining her to the wall. She lashed out at them for all she was worth, kicking and hitting anything she could reach. One of the guards caught both her arms, while the other grabbed her by the legs. She was pulled down the mattress until she was lying flat on her back. She thrashed and bucked in their grasp, managing to turn enough to bite the Emer that was holding her arms. She drew blood. The alien grunted, looking surprised, but he just repositioned himself without releasing his grip on her arms.

The Emer she had spoken with so many times crouched down and grabbed her by the jaw. He turned her head to the side and used his other hand to press a metal cylinder against her neck. Janeway felt three sharp pricks bite into her flesh, before the Emers all released her and stood back.

Janeway rolled to her side, spitting out the blood in her mouth and imagining what she must look like with blue blood dripping down her chin. She could already feel a cold sensation spreading outwards from the spot on her neck. The lead Emer knelt down so that he was almost eye level with her.

So this was it. He had kept his word, and now he was watching. Waiting for her to die. The glacial feeling was moving into her chest, and her breaths were becoming shallow. Janeway kept her eyes locked on his even as darkness edged her vision. Her muscles relaxed, and her head dropped to the mattress.

"In the dark wood….the straight way was lost," she whispered, and then the darkness claimed her. She knew nothing else.

_

* * *

_

Yes, I will be posting more...


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Paramount and TPTB as well as Ellen Emerson White. The fanfic author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

_Author's note:__ This fanfic is based on the story line of a book by Ellen Emerson White titled Long Live the Queen. I mean no disrespect to the author as the book was a story I enjoyed immensely. I read it years ago, and recently thought about how good a story it would be for Kathryn Janeway. _

_This one is for Ria. Thank you QS for all of your help and support! _

_Since this part is short I decided to go ahead and post it today! _

* * *

She wasn't dead. That was the first thought that surfaced as Kathryn slowly made her way back to consciousness. As sensation slowly returned, her different body parts began issuing their individual protests. She almost wished she _was_ dead. Surely death wouldn't be this painful.

She was lying face down on a hard, dusty surface that felt like stone. She coughed as the dust tried to make its way inside her mouth when she inhaled. The cough set fire to her already dried out throat. She lifted her head just enough to avoid repeating that process. Bringing her left arm up, she rested her head on it so that her face would be out of the dirt. She slowly opened her eyes, but all she could see was pitch black darkness. Kathryn actually considered that a small blessing. As dizzy as she felt at the moment, it was probably a good thing that she couldn't see the walls spinning.

Aside from her own labored breathing, she couldn't hear anything either. Not a single sound. If it wasn't for being able to hear the scratch of her shirt against the ground, she'd worry that she'd gone completely deaf, but she hadn't. There just wasn't anything to hear. This relieved her somewhat. For the moment at least, she was blessedly alone.

Her pulse was racing, but the rest of her body felt heavy and cold. Recalling the cool sensation she'd felt after the forced injection, she wondered if her body's current chill was an after effect of the drug. Or was she just cold because of the temperature of her location? She was glad she wasn't shivering, but then she frowned, knowing that a lack of shivering could also be a bad sign if she was suffering from hypothermia.

The cold stone she was lying on wasn't helping matters, as it sucked her body heat away from her. It also wasn't getting any softer, and her injured leg would no longer be ignored. Lying face down as she was, her knee was being naturally pressed into the hard surface, and the pain that was causing was quickly becoming excruciating. She was going to have to turn over. She moved her right arm up to join her left, and although it moved freely, she heard a clinking noise and felt a weight attached to her wrist. Kathryn sighed. She still couldn't see anything, but she was pretty sure the Emer's penchant for chaining her to walls had not waned. A change of location was apparently no reason to break with a tried and trusted method of restraint. She supposed it could be worse, but she'd rather not think about that at the moment.

Taking a steadying breath, she planted her hands on the ground and pushed. She managed to roll up to her side on shaking, protesting muscles. She did her best to control the movement of her leg as she moved, but keeping it completely still was impossible. Knowing she was alone, she didn't try to repress the groans escaping from her as she jostled the broken bone. Pausing on her side, she collected herself and completed the turn until she was lying on her back. Her leg dropped slightly, hitting the stone surface harder than she would have liked, and pain radiated from her hip to her toes. She breathed heavily and blinked rapidly, seeing nothing. She was so dizzy and sick to her stomach that if she had eaten anything recently, it would have been in real danger of making its reappearance.

Kathryn wasn't sure if it was the drugs they had given her or not, but the small act of turning over had worn her out. She was exhausted. She wanted to be doing something constructive, but she could barely function at the moment. She wanted to find a way out of this mess, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to concentrate. She wanted coffee, but she needed water. She could barely swallow, her mouth was so dry. She licked her lips in a futile attempt to moisten them, and she could feel how cracked they were. Drugs or not, her body's need for rest won out, and she allowed her eyes to close, welcoming the urge to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

_For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1 or part 12. _

_And if you've stuck with me this long…Many Thanks!_

* * *

"Kathryn!"

She bolted upright and opened her eyes. Janeway could've sworn she'd heard someone call her name. She looked around frantically, ignoring how much the sudden movement made her hurt. As there was light filtering in, she could see her surroundings for the first time. She was in a cave. She looked down and saw that her right hand did indeed have a metal cuff on it. The metal cuff had a chain leading to a post embedded in a rock wall. She couldn't believe it. She was chained to a wall. In a fucking cave.

The light filtering into the mouth of the cave was sunlight. Actual sunlight. She laughed at the sight of it. It was the first time in days she'd had any real indication of whether it was night or day. She must be close to the entrance for the rays of light to be making it to her, but she couldn't see out directly. Then it hit her. The voice she had heard. If someone was searching for her, they may never see her unless they actually ventured into the cave. She would have to yell out for them.

She took a deep breath with the intent of yelling. She knew it was going to hurt. Her mouth and throat felt as though they were coated in sand, but if she was rescued it would be worth it. She'd happily listen to any lecture from the Doctor, so long as he let her have something to drink while he berated her.

Just as she opened her mouth, another thought occurred to her, and she closed it again. What if it was the Emers that were out there? What if that particular Emer was just screwing around with her, waiting for her to yell out so he could make her life even more miserable? He could really make her life hell if he thought she was trying to escape again. _If _it was him out there.

Screw it.

"I'm in here!" she yelled before she could talk herself out of it. Immediately, her throat felt like she had just swallowed a lighted match. She ignored it. "My name is Kathryn Janeway! I'm trapped in a cave."

Kathryn barely recognized her own voice, it sounded so rough. She was breathing hard and desperately trying to swallow to moisten her burning throat. She listened for a reply to her cries for help. Straining to hear any kind of response.

Nothing.

She didn't hear movement. She didn't hear wind blowing. She certainly didn't hear anyone calling for her. Despair settled over her like a cloak. Had she even really heard her name to begin with? Had she just been imagining things? There was no way to tell.

She rocked forward, rubbing her hands together. They were shaking. She shook them out, flexing her fingers and flinching at the stiffness of her joints. Kathryn felt like crying. She dug the heels of her hands into her eyes, realizing the irony of her situation. One of the few times in her adult life that she felt like crying, and she physically could not produce tears. It would almost be comical, if it wasn't so tragic.

She sat up and leaned against the stone wall. She had to get a grip. This was really conduct unbecoming of a Starfleet captain. That single thought helped her shore up her mental defenses. She took a few breaths and felt slightly calmer. She'd been in worse situations then this. None immediately came to mind, but that was beside the point. She was Kathryn Janeway. She had no intention of dying, trapped in a cave on some Delta Quadrant planet where people had blue blood and made clicking noises when they talked.

At least, she hoped she was still on the same planet. She couldn't be sure. She hadn't toured any caves during the official negotiations. Looking around, she couldn't see either end of the cave, only darkness to her right and a bend to her left. Kathryn had a bad feeling about this. The cave felt abandoned. Remote. Waking up here, with no around could not be a good thing despite her earlier gratitude at finding herself alone.

Kathryn picked up a handful of pebbles and threw them into the darkness but heard nothing useful as the pebbles scattered down the tunnel. If they had landed in water, she might've lost it to know water was so close, and she still couldn't reach it.

The thought of water brought her attention back to the latest problem; she had to get free of this chain, or she was going to die from dehydration in the very near future. She examined the cuff and the chain, and both appeared solid. There was some sort of locking mechanism on the cuff, but after prodding at it for several minutes; she concluded that without some sort of tool she would not be able to unlock it.

Examining every link of the chain, she discovered it was covered in brown silt that came off on her hands and reminded her of rust, but the links all felt strong, with no breaks or weak points. She followed the chain to its stake in the wall, running her hands over it and feeling along the base of it. She managed to sweep out some built up silt from the area where the stake entered the wall, but detected no leeway from the stony surface. Kathryn wrapped both hands around the stake and pulled with all her strength, but the stake remained solidly in place. The brief exertion made her lightheaded. She closed her eyes momentarily, not ready to give up, but trying to mentally catalog her options.

There were only three possibilities. She could either remove the stake from the wall, which seemed highly unlikely, or she could break the chain. She briefly considered using one of the rocks lying around to hammer at the chain until she caused it to have a weak joint, but discarded that idea almost as quickly as it came to her. If she grew lightheaded from pulling on the stake, she seriously doubted she'd have enough strength to hammer a chain to its breaking point. This left her with only her third option. She'd have to free her wrist from the cuff.


	14. Chapter 14

_For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1 or part 12. _

* * *

Kathryn studied her hand with a scientific intensity that she had never directed at her own body before. She had, of course, studied human anatomy during her high school days. Courses at the academy had even ranged from first aid to known methods of torture, but until now, she had never truly considered the best method to use when breaking one of her own bones. And that was exactly what she needed to do in order to free herself from this cuff.

She'd already tried all the more seemingly methods to slip her hand free, and none of them had worked. She didn't have the strength left to dislocate her thumb. She'd tried pulling her hand free with all of her body weight acting as a counterweight, but the muscles in her shoulder had started to give before the cuff did. The meaty portion at the base of her thumb was keeping the cuff securely in place. She'd pulled and yanked so much and so hard that she had bloodied her skin. Having learned from her experiences in the Delta Quadrant to waste no opportunity, she'd tried to use her own blood to her advantage. She'd exacerbated the blood flow, smearing it all over the skin of her wrist and hand, hoping to lubricate it enough for the cuff to slip off. The only result was a sore wrist attached to a hand that looked a bloody mess.

After trying all that, Kathryn had to rest. Her head felt like it was floating. The increasing frequency with which she tired beyond comprehension was damned annoying, but this time she felt it might actually do her some good. With all the yanking and pulling, she feared she had actually increased the swelling around her hand. She hoped that resting would give her inflamed tissue time to diminish back to its normal size. After all, she really didn't need it any more injured than it had to be before she broke it.

When she awoke, she noticed that the rays of light reaching her around the bend of the cave were now beginning to lose their intensity. Kathryn sat up, wanting to get this over with before she lost the light entirely. She'd already selected the rock she planned to use, and she was almost certain about where she needed to strike to accomplish her goal. She was going to have to hit two places: the base of her thumb and then further down where the bone connected to her wrist. She was going to have to hit them hard and in quick succession if she was going to pull this off. Any hesitation and her hand would swell before she could get it free from the cuff.

All things considered, she wished her left hand was still chained instead of her right. She had more strength in her right arm, so it would be easier to control her strikes, plus she was not nearly as deft with her left hand as she was her right. Kathryn shook her head at her thoughts. All things considered, she'd rather not be in this predicament at all. She knew she was just stalling. Deciding to break your own hand and then actually doing it were two very different things. Enough was enough though.

She placed her right hand flat on the ground, ensuring that it would be stone on stone with no dirt to cushion the blow. She pushed the shackle up her arm as far as it would go so that she would not accidentally hit it. She raised the stone in her left hand to above her head. Janeway concentrated on the two spots she needed to hit, focusing on them until she could see nothing else. She took a deep breath and slammed the rock down as hard as she could. She screamed, but kept her arm moving, slamming the rock into her hand a second time. She braced her right foot against the stone wall and pulled against the chain, feeling the cuff bite into the now agonizingly tender flesh that had been her thumb.

The cuff didn't move.

"Nooo!!" Kathryn yelled at her perceived failure. She jerked on the cuff with all her weight. She felt like a fish on a hook struggling against the inevitability of being caught. She didn't want to die like this, not on some cold cave floor. She didn't want the indignity of someone finding her decimated body chained to a wall only meters away from freedom. She tugged and pulled on the chain, trying with all of her heart to wrench herself free.

And then she was flat on her back, staring at the ceiling of the cave.

Her hand had slipped loose. Kathryn heaved a dry sob as she realized she was free. It had worked. Her hand burned in agony as she cradled it to her chest, but she was free. She turned her head towards the bend in the cave. She couldn't see straight she was so dizzy from the pain in her hand, but she immediately began to clamber up again. Pushing herself across the cave floor with her right leg and using her good hand to help pull herself along, she scrambled as fast as she could towards the fading rays of daylight. She made it to the bend in the cave and a laugh bordering on hysterics escaped her.

Kathryn could see trees. And clear sky.

The light of day was fading fast but she didn't care. She struggled and crawled until she was completely out of the cave taking deep, gasping breaths of air. Her latest rush of endorphins and adrenalin was diminishing quickly, but she didn't dare stop. She had to get away from the cave in case he came back. She needed to hide.

Kathryn continued her frantic crawl further into the jungle until she could no longer see the cave. Behind a leafy plant, she pushed herself into the hollow of a tree, hiding her outstretched leg as best she could. Her breathing was erratic and her heart felt like it was being ripped out of her chest. It had been only minutes at best, but she couldn't go any further. She only glanced down at her hand once. It had already swollen to twice its normal size and barely resembled a hand anymore.

She leaned her head back against the inside of the tree. In the confined space, Kathryn could smell the damp soil of the ground and a crisp tang coming from the plant stems she had broken as she struggled to conceal herself. Her own scent was also distinct in hollow of the tree. She reeked of blood and sweat. She could also smell the fear that she tried so hard to keep hidden. Her breathing had finally calmed down somewhat, and she closed her eyes. She would just rest for a few minutes.


	15. Chapter 15

_For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1 or part 12. _

* * *

"Can you hear me? Come on, Kathryn, open your eyes."

Kathryn heard the voice, but she didn't want to acknowledge it. She was too tired to deal with it. Whoever it was and whatever they needed, they could find someone else to help them. But the captain's sense of duty won out, and Kathryn slowly opened her eyes. Chakotay was kneeling in front of her, and she could just make out dark trees and leaves behind him. Where the hell was she?

"You gave us quite a scare," he said and gave her a gentle smile.

"Chakotay?" Her voice was barely a whisper. "Where am I?"

A look of concern crossed his features. "You don't remember?"

And then she did. She remembered everything. But if he was here, then that meant… "You found me?"

He gestured at the disturbed ground by his feet. "You left quite a trail. It wasn't too difficult."

She looked where he'd pointed and saw a huge swath in the dirt where she had dragged herself through it. She didn't care so long as it meant that he had found her, but why was she still here then? Why didn't he take her back to the ship?

He was examining her hands. "You shouldn't have done this, Kathryn."

She looked down at her hands. The right one was misshapen, the swollen skin stretched tight with streaks of bruising that covered the entire hand. The way her first officer was examining it was making her feel very self conscious. Surely, he knew she hadn't wanted to break her hand. Her voice sounded small. "I didn't have much of a choice, Chakotay."

He made a tsk-ing noise. "You're going to have to be punished for this."

Kathryn stared at him and tugged her hands away from his. She was so confused. What was he talking about? He looked up from her hands and grinned at her. His warm brown eyes had turned solid black, and she was no longer looking at the face of her first officer. She was staring into the face of the Emer.

Kathryn gasped and jerked back, trying to get away from him, but a pale white hand snapped out and wrapped around her neck. Even as she tried to pry the hand from around her throat, she remembered that all Emers had dark skin. Looking up, she stared right into the face of Gul Camet. Kathryn cried out and clawed at the Cardassian's arm. Then she found herself staring into the inky darkness of night. She launched herself out of her hiding place within the tree, needing to escape the enclosed space.

She looked around frantically. She was alone, and the surrounding woods were only slightly stirring in the breeze. Gul Camet and the Emer were not there. Neither was Chakotay. It had been a dream. Just a dream. Kathryn made a small whimpering sound in the back of her throat and exhaled a shaky breath. She started to scrub her hands across her face, but the movement jostled her right hand. She flinched as pain washed over her reminding her of the hand's damaged state. Still breathing heavily, she laid down on the ground and threw her good arm over her face, covering the tears that wouldn't fall.

She was losing it. She knew. It was becoming harder and harder to concentrate. She was passing out for longer periods of time. She didn't even feel hungry anymore. She just felt empty.

And afraid. She had avoided using that word for as long as possible, but if she was dying she may as well be truthful with herself.

For at least once in her life.

Her psycho dream Chakotay had been right about one thing: she was sure she had left an incredibly easy trail to follow. While fleeing the cave, she hadn't exactly been worried about stealth. Naomi could probably find her following the trail she had left behind.

But then if that were true, why hadn't anyone found her yet? Surely, there weren't any other human life signs on the planet. Why hadn't Voyager's scanners picked her up? Had she been gone for so long that they had given her up for lost? Did they even know she was missing; of course they knew she was missing, she wasn't exactly commanding from her seat on the bridge at the moment. Someone would have noticed by now that she hadn't come out of her ready room in awhile. But did they know she was alive? They had to know. Chakotay would've told them when he returned to the ship.

But what if he hadn't made it back to the ship? What if he really had been killed during the fighting? Or maybe he had been taken hostage just like her. She hadn't seen much of the building during her mad dash for freedom, but she had been able to tell it was large enough that they could've been keeping Chakotay in another room. Did that mean he too was chained inside a cave somewhere, starving to death just as she had been? Was she entirely sure that she had been alone in the cave? Oh God, had she left him there to die while she had only worried about freeing herself?

No. Kathryn physically shook her head, trying to dispel her train of thought. She would not do this. She was not going to lie here and second guess herself. She had been alone in the cave. She was sure of that, and God knew she had made enough noise that he would have heard her if he had been anywhere in the vicinity.

Kathryn dropped her arm away from her face and stared up at the night sky. She could easily see thousands of stars. Maybe, if she looked for it… There. Almost directly above her, she could see what appeared to be a star moving slowly across the sky. That had to be Voyager. It really could have been any Emer ship or a satellite of some kind, but she was going to believe it was her ship. Her home. Up amongst the stars where it belonged.

Up amongst the stars where she belonged.


	16. Chapter 16

_For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1 or part 12. _

* * *

Kathryn had tracked Voyager's movement across the night sky for as long as she could before falling asleep again, but now she opened her eyes to the early rays of morning. She slowly and stiffly made her way to a sitting position making all the requisite groans this action now seemed to require. She began to examine her surroundings, and she realized now that the trees she found herself amongst were less like the woods of North America and more like a South American jungle. Looking around, she felt completely dulled. If she were in a different state of mind, she would probably find this scenery breathtaking and beautiful. As it was, all she saw was another insurmountable obstacle. She had no idea where she was.

On top of all her other injuries, the roaring in her ears had returned. Ever since that first explosion that had sent her flying, her ears had either been ringing or left her with a low roaring sound. She hadn't really noticed when it had stopped, but she realized now that it had been quiet while she'd been in the cave. Now though, it seemed as if the damage to her hearing had returned.

Then she heard a splash.

Kathryn whipped her head around to the right ignoring the sharp pain the movement produced. She listened intently to the now quiet jungle straining to hear more. And then she realized. It wasn't a roar in her ears she was hearing; it was water rushing. She could hear water. And it was nearby. She looked around, feeling a rush of hope. There were no breaks in the trees as far as she could see, but the sound was definitely coming from somewhere to the right of her. She was still utterly lost, but at least now she had a direction to take.

The crawling-scrambling method she'd employed to escape the cave was not going to work very well in the dense undergrowth of the forest, but it worked well enough to find a long-fallen tree limb that she could use as a crutch. Bracing her back against the tree she had slept in and wrapping her left hand around her new staff, Kathryn finally managed to make it to her feet. The exertion made her vision blur, but she remained upright. It was the first time she had stood since her curtailed escape attempt. It felt good.

Taking a breath, Kathryn leaned out with her staff and made her first, unsteady step forward. It was painful. _Very_ painful. But a long time ago, in a haze of pain and anguish on a frozen world, she had stomped on her own broken leg repeatedly before passing out. If she could do it then, she could do it now. If she passed out, she'd just have to try it again when she woke up. There was water somewhere up ahead, and she was going to get to it or die trying. At this point, it was a fifty-fifty shot which would happen first. She managed another step and then two more before her good leg trembled and gave out sending her back down to the ground. Alright, maybe her odds were more like seventy-thirty, but she doggedly pulled herself back up and began again.

Several hours later, if the sun's position was any indication, Kathryn finally stumbled to the muddy edge of a fast moving river. As she had done many times already that day, she fell to the ground; only this time she didn't bother getting back up. She slithered on her belly to the water's edge and then slightly further. She kept her feet on the shore as she slid forward, but she kept going until she was elbow deep in the cold, rushing water.

The water felt exquisite, and after the first gagging, coughing spell she forced herself to take it easy. She shouldn't overdo it, not after having gone so long with so little. Her hand began throbbing mercilessly as it sank further into the muddy bottom of the river, and Kathryn realized that in her haste to drink she had been holding herself out of the water on both of her arms. She dropped to her elbows, her chin touching the water, and began to inch her way back to the shore. Feeling a clump of her matted hair fall forward over her face, she indulged and dunked her head below the water, enjoying the feel of the cool current on her scalp.

Kathryn lay in the mud on the shore. She had suffered for her haste, as her body had begun cramping almost immediately from the sudden intake of water. She smiled grimly to herself. It had still been worth it. Since her initial trip, she had rationed herself much better and was now taking small amounts at a time and resting on the shore in between. She'd been here for the better part of the day, and she could already tell a difference in how she felt. The dullness she'd been feeling the last two days had been washed away along with the grime and sweat that had accumulated on her skin. She hadn't completely submerged herself, not trusting her muscle strength enough to completely leave the shore, but she had at least been able to splash every part of herself.

The one regret she had about her clearer head was that all of her injuries were no longer dulled. The pain she felt now was sharp and acute compared to the all encompassing aches and throbs she had felt since the cave. Despite the water, she was still incredibly weak. Her stomach felt like a shriveled up grape, it had been empty for so long. The water helped with a lot of things, but it had only brought attention to her hunger which was now ravenous.

She stared up at the sky. It would be dark soon, and she probably shouldn't stay by a fresh water source at night. She didn't know what kind of nocturnal predators they had on this planet, and she certainly didn't want to find out the hard way. Kathryn slowly rolled to a sitting position and nodded to herself. She would drink some more and then find somewhere to stay for the night. Tomorrow, she would have a plan.


	17. Chapter 17

_For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1 or part 12. _

* * *

Kathryn couldn't see the stars tonight. Or Voyager. Clouds had rolled in during the afternoon, and now she just hoped it wouldn't rain. Yesterday, she would've praised the heavens for rainfall, but now that she'd found water, Kathryn really didn't feel like staying soaked to the bone the whole night. She'd found a small cave in the rocks near the river, but she hadn't been able to force herself to go in it. It was barely an indentation in the rock, but she couldn't do it. After staring into it for several long moments, she'd decided that nothing short of a monsoon was going to get her in there. She'd had enough of caves this trip to last her a lifetime. She stayed close to it in case she needed it, but being able to see open sky was vastly more appealing to her right now, so she simply leaned her back against a tree.

It had been comforting last night to be able to see Voyager. She found it ironic that she had been struggling all these years to get Voyager back to the Alpha Quadrant. To get _home_. But last night, all of her thoughts of home had involved her starship, and tonight was shaping up to be no different. Unlike earlier in this adventure through hell, Kathryn didn't school her thoughts towards her mother or Phoebe. Thoughts of home did not lead to Indiana or to the apartment she'd had in San Francisco. She scoffed at herself; her apartment had been more like a base of operations where she could resupply than it had ever been a home. And her quarters on Voyager, which should have been nothing more than a place to lay her head at night, had become something more. She missed her quarters. Her home.

Walking down the corridors and recognizing all the faces she passed had become a comfortable intimacy on Voyager. She'd truly come to enjoy the sense of community aboard their ship, even if she did feel slightly removed from it because of her rank. They had their own little township, and she had the best neighbors one could hope for. Kathryn loved being able to go next door at six in the morning because her replicator wasn't functioning, and know that Chakotay would supply her with coffee. And for some reason, coffee shared with Chakotay had always tasted better than any other coffee.

When she had first noticed it, she thought that maybe he'd tried a new blend and that's why it tasted better, but that wasn't it. It didn't matter if they were in her ready room, the mess hall, or even in her quarters, the coffee always tasted better when he was around. She'd never before taken the time to examine why that was, but now, sitting in the dirt, huddled against a tree she had nothing better to occupy her mind.

Kathryn had first noticed this occurrence after her experience with Tuvok, and the mind meld that had taken them back to Captain Sulu's ship. She'd had a headache that lasted days after that, but Chakotay had shown up at her quarters on the third night. They hadn't really had a chance to decompress from New Earth before Seska had shown up, and she wasn't quite sure what to expect from him and this visit. Kathryn had thought briefly that he was there to harass her into going to sickbay, but he never even mentioned it. He'd just replicated coffee for her and tea for himself, and made himself comfortable on the couch. She'd joined him, and they'd sat and talked about nothing and everything for hours. When he finally stood to leave, she realized her headache was gone. She commented about it, and he smiled, assuring her it had been the coffee and not the company.

The next time she noticed was after their foray into twentieth century San Francisco. While they had been waiting outside Stark's building, they'd stopped for a cup of coffee at a place called Starbucks. Kathryn had been in heaven, and the coffee had once again been excellent. Skirting the temporal prime directive, she'd purchased some of the beans to make her own coffee later, but it'd never been quite the same as sitting at that small unbalanced table across from Chakotay. Even now she could easily picture him with his hair combed down on his forehead and that blue shirt he had worn under the jacket.

After that, it had been one experience after another, and they had begun sharing their thoughts with each other over a cup of coffee (tea for him) on a regular basis. The alien that had masqueraded as her father, dealing with a hologram of Seska and all the old wounds that had reopened, and then Kes' sudden departure had all been discussed while holding a couple of warm beverages. Before she realized it, their friendship had become an unbreakable bond forged not in the fires of Hades, as some might call the Delta Quadrant, but over the aroma of a good mug of java.

Kathryn chuckled at her own warped analogy. Her sudden outburst startled something out in the trees that took flight, screeching at her, and she grabbed for her crutch, ready to use it as a club if need be. She'd almost forgotten where she was for a moment, and what a lovely sensation that had been. As the jungle quieted again, she relaxed her grip on the staff. She readjusted her leg and settled into a slightly more comfortable position.

Again, she let her mind wander back to her quarters. She thought about watching him from across the table as they ate a dinner he'd prepared: vegetable lasagna with a glass of wine. No. She didn't want to think about food. Instead, she saw him smiling at her from their command chairs. Laughing at some comment she'd made, or some comment that he'd considered making but then thought twice about. That happened a lot. She'd see a smile sneak across his face and wonder what he was thinking about. He'd catch her staring but refuse to tell her. The more she thought about it, the more she realized the coffee had just been an excuse.

They enjoyed each other's company and the coffee had been…what was it that Tom had said beer was? A social lubricant. Well, neither she nor Chakotay drank beer, but that's what the coffee had been for them. But after awhile they hadn't needed it. After all, they didn't have the replicators working after the Hirogen turned the ship into a flying holodeck. He had simply shown up in the Jeffries tube she was working in with two bottles of water.

She remembered that conversation fondly. She had been understandably tense and agitated after fighting the Hirogen on every deck of her ship. After they had finally gone, the entire crew, despite the previous weeks of torture, had been working around the clock to effect repairs. She'd managed to sleep for a few hours here and there, but she always woke up feeling more tired than if she hadn't rested at all. This cycle had been going on for three days when he showed up and offered her a bottle of water.

She'd immediately asked him for a status report on the ship, but he had waved her off. She knew as well as he did what the status was, instead he told her about finding a twentieth century dog tag in his Starfleet issue boot. Apparently in his sleep, he had kept a few habits of his alter ego, Captain Miller. She'd relaxed momentarily, and admitted that she wished she could've seen herself in the WWII scenario; after all she'd gotten to see everyone else. They'd finished their water and gotten back to work shortly thereafter, but Kathryn had felt more rejuvenated after sitting with him for a few minutes in a cramped Jeffries tube than she had after a four hour nap.

There was just something about Chakotay that put her at peace. She smiled tiredly as she laid her head back against the tree, feeling the bark pull at her hair. It had been a few years since he'd told her the story about how she'd calmed his soul, but it was only now that she realized she benefited from his presence just as much as he did from hers. By nature, she was always on the move, on the go, onto the next thing, but around him she felt a calm come over her. Kathryn smiled to herself; of course that wasn't always the case. He was able to get her dander up faster than anyone she knew, and then he didn't back down from her when she exploded. But aside from those more turbulent times, she usually felt the most content in his presence.

Maybe that was why she was so adamant about not pursuing a relationship with him. She wouldn't be so driven to get back to Earth if she felt truly satisfied with her life. Regardless, she wished he was here now. She wasn't one to swoon at a man's feet, but right now she'd happily let him scoop her up in his arms and promise to protect her and make the world right again. Kathryn felt a tear welling up in her eye at all these thoughts of Chakotay and of home. She blinked it back. She couldn't fall apart now, and if one tear fell she knew more would follow. Now that she could cry again, she couldn't allow it.

Kathryn hunkered down as much as possible and closed her eyes. She'd decided on a plan of action for the morning. It would be risky, but she had always erred on the side of action. She would sleep now, because for what she had planned for tomorrow; she was going to need all the strength she had left.


	18. Chapter 18

_For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1 or part 12. _

* * *

Kathryn stood staring out at the river. Leaning heavily on her staff, she felt only slightly more rested than she had the previous day. She hadn't even traveled that far this morning, and she already felt worn out. She studied the river, knowing her fatigue would not help matters. Yesterday, she'd been elated to find the fast, rushing water, but today she wished the river could be slightly calmer. Maybe not quite so large. As it was though, she would work with what she had and be thankful.

The river flowed past her, going from her left to right as she stood facing it. To her left, the current was more chaotic, and the roaring sound was more definite. She couldn't see it, but she surmised there must be a waterfall of some kind in that direction. Looking as far right as she could, the water was still moving fast, but it appeared to be a much smoother current, for as far as she could see anyway.

Kathryn had already weighed all the pros and cons of what she was about to do, and decided it was the best course of action available to her. Perhaps not the most prudent, but she needed to take action. Submerging herself in the water and floating downstream would be a much faster means of travel than anything else she was currently able to manage. She was also hoping that the water would take her near some sort of civilization where she could reach help.

She also wanted to get as far away from her current location as possible. She knew it was probably an irrational fear to think that the Emer would come looking for her still, but it was a fear she just couldn't seem to shake. She felt too vulnerable.

Her diminishing strength was going to be another problem. She was really going to be relying on the current to float her along, as swimming was not really a strong option at the moment. Kathryn took a steadying breath. She had already decided on this course of action. There was no point in standing here thinking about it for any longer.

Continuing to use her staff, she made her way out into the water. It was much colder the further away from the shore she got, and when the water reached the small of her back she gasped at its icy feel. She nodded to herself and plunged forward, immediately swept along by the current. She hooked the staff underneath her arms, its natural buoyancy helping her stay afloat. All the movement of getting into the water had made the throbbing in her leg increase, but now the coolness of the water was deadening the worst of the pain. She looked around and noticed the shore she had started from had already been swept out of sight.

Kathryn was feeling quite pleased with herself. The river was moving her along better than she had hoped, although she had yet to see any signs of civilization. The current remained smooth, calming the fears she'd had about rocky waves and rapids. So far she had only felt a few plants brush by her feet. Once, that would've frightened her to not know what was in the water beneath her, but now she was just glad her knee hadn't found any rocks to bang up against.

Despite her progress, she knew she would have to get out soon and rest. Her feet and hands had grown numb from the cold water, and while that actually made her right hand feel better she knew she shouldn't encourage the process by staying in the water longer. She began to watch the shores ahead of her for a suitable stopping place.

There was a bend up ahead that she couldn't see beyond. That was as good a place as any to stop. She could rest and scout out what the next section of river looked like before plunging along any further. Kathryn began to angle herself towards the shore. It was harder than she thought. Her concern was growing as the bend was rapidly approaching, and she was still in the middle of the river having made no progress towards it. She began kicking with her good leg, and she unwrapped her left arm from around the staff so that she could paddle as well. She felt a stab of fear as she floated past the bend she'd been aiming for.

Kathryn gritted her teeth and began kicking with both legs despite the pain that shot through her body at the forced movement. She managed to get herself turned sideways in the direction of the shore. Reluctantly, she let go of her tree limb so that she could use both arms to stroke through the water. She began making progress and the shore was finally getting closer. Kathryn's feet started hitting rocks on the bottom of the river, and she knew she was reaching shallow water. Her injured leg and arm were screaming out for a reprieve, but she kept pushing. Finding purchase in the mud and rocks of the riverbed, she was finally able to put her feet down and stand. The water reached her shoulders, but she was thankful to still have her head above the strong current.

Still holding her arms out in front of her, she pushed off with her feet towards the shore. The top half of her body went under the water, but her feet never left the bottom. Kathryn came up sputtering water. The water was dark and muddy, making it impossible to see anything. Her feet were so numb, she couldn't distinguish what was holding her back, but she could just feel a rocky surface rubbing against her left ankle. Something had shifted when she'd attempted to push off the river bottom, and now her foot was stuck. The current was continuing to push against her, so she tried going with it, hoping the natural pull would free her foot. All she managed to do was get pushed under the water again. She struggled back against the current until she was once again upright.

Spitting water out of her mouth, Kathryn paddled against the current, searching for some sort of leverage. Not finding anything on the surface of the water, she took a deep breath and went under, tracing her hand down her leg, wincing as her hand passed over her knee. She tried opening her eyes in the muddy liquid, but they began burning immediately, and she couldn't see anything. She closed them, forced to work by touch alone. She could feel the rock now with her hand. It wasn't that large: it had just fallen at an angle, trapping her foot between it and another rock buried in the riverbed. Kathryn breached the surface again, gasping for air. Even underwater, the current continually pushed against her, taxing her fatigued muscles.

She was going to have to go under again. Her head was already spinning from the exertion of staying upright and the lack of oxygen as she fought the water. But if she couldn't get her foot free, she knew she'd black out and be pushed under the water for good. She took another breath and immersed herself. Her right hand was almost useless, but she squeezed it in between her foot and the rock, trying to wedge in some room while she continued to pull on the rock with her left hand. The rock moved slightly and then settled against her broken thumb. Kathryn gasped at the shock of pain inflicted on her damaged hand and consequently sucked in water. Her body jerked in reaction to the water in her lungs. Her left hand, still clutched around the rock, jerked the rock loose and her foot floated free.

Kathryn rocketed to the surface, coughing and gagging. She made it halfway up the muddy river bank before she collapsed; spitting up what felt like half the river from her lungs. She laid half in the water and half on the shore, gasping for air. After several more heaves of her abdomen, her body finally relaxed and sent her into oblivion.

Kathryn never even felt the transporter beam take effect.

* * *

"Commander," Harry Kim's voice rang out across the bridge. "I have…something."

Chakotay stood from his chair, looking back at the ops station. "I need more than that, Harry."

"Our scans just picked up a human life sign on the southern continent, but then the signal vanished. Wait," he said, punching buttons on his console. "I have it again. And it's gone."

Chakotay strode over to the station. There was nothing he could do that Harry wouldn't have already thought of, but he had to see what the ensign was looking at. "There it is again."

"And now it's gone again," Harry said, making corrections. The entire bridge crew was hanging on his every word.

"Can you localize it?" Tuvok asked from his station also trying recalibrations.

"It's moving continually. Scans show the signal is coming from the river." Harry reported.

"Is it her?" Tom asked the question no one else seemed capable of asking.

Chakotay flashed a look at Paris before turning his attention to the security station. "Tuvok, do we have any teams on the southern continent?"

"Negative, Commander."

"Harry, can you get a lock?"

"The signal has reappeared two more times in the same vicinity. I think she's stopped moving, but I still can't get a lock."

Chakotay's heart clenched as Harry referred to the signal as "hers". Kathryn had been missing for nine days with no trace of her whereabouts. Now suddenly, in the middle of a continuous scan, a human life sign appeared on the southern continent thousands of miles away from where she had last been seen. Chakotay knew Kathryn had a penchant for beating the odds, but this seemed too incredible a feat for even her to pull off.

"Harry, as soon as you can get a stable lock, beam her directly to sickbay." He tapped his comm. badge. "Chakotay to Sickbay."

"Go ahead, Commander."

"Doctor, we're tracking a life sign. It may or may not be the Captain. As soon as we can get a lock, we're beaming her directly to you."

"Acknowledged," the Doctor said. "Any indication of health status?"

Chakotay glanced at Kim. Harry shook his head in frustration, continually working at his console. "Not yet, Doctor. I'm sending Paris down to join you."

"We'll be ready, Commander." The Doctor signed off, and Paris left the bridge at a run.

"I've got her again, Commander, but there's some sort of interference."

"Harry, I don't care if you have to beam half the river into sickbay. Get her up here!" Chakotay was halfway to the turbolift. He had to go down to sickbay. He couldn't stay on the bridge, not if it was really Kathryn they were beaming aboard. "Tuvok, you have the bridge."

The doors of the turbolift closed just as Chakotay heard Harry's triumphant voice.

"Energizing."

_

* * *

_

:)

Many thanks QS for your continuing supportive beta efforts….and forgive me for ignoring some of them. ;)


	19. Chapter 19

_For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1 or part 12. _

* * *

It had taken every bit of self control that Chakotay possessed not to run down the corridors to sickbay. He walked through the doors, expecting to find frantic activity in the medical bay. The fact that Tom and the Doctor were both working around the same biobed in a serious but non-hurried manner made him think they hadn't gotten Kathryn back after all. Tom glanced up and saw him, gave him a quick smile and a nod of his head, then bent back to his work. Chakotay frowned. What was that supposed to mean? He moved further into sickbay so he could get a better look at the patient on the biobed. His breath caught in his throat.

It was Kathryn.

Wasn't it?

Chakotay always thought he'd be able to recognize her no matter what, but the figure on the biobed looked like a drowned rat. A drowned rat covered in mud. He cocked his head to the side, trying to see around the Doctor. He finally caught a glimpse of wet hair that was the striking auburn color he longed to see, and then he knew for sure. He almost relaxed.

But she was unconscious.

"Doctor, report."

The Doctor looked up long enough to frown at Chakotay. "Commander, the Captain has some serious injuries that need my complete attention, but there is nothing life threatening. However, the fewer distractions I have the sooner I can get our Captain on the road to recovery."

Chakotay backed off, taking the not so subtle hint, but continued to stare. He couldn't help it. Her feet were bare and covered with mud that barely concealed cuts and bruises. The last time he'd seen her she'd been wearing her uniform, but he didn't recognize the clothes she had on now. The clothes looked uniform in their simplicity, but they were not _her_ uniform so he had to wonder under what circumstances she'd changed. Had she been trying to blend in with the local people? Had her uniform been torn beyond repair from the explosion? Or had someone forced her to change clothes? Was this some sort of prison uniform? He really needed answers, but the woman on the bed was in no condition to give him any at the moment.

Chakotay took a few steps to the side in an effort to see her face better. The left side of her face looked as though she had been face down in mud, which for all he knew she could have been, but the right side of her face caught his attention. She had obvious bruising around her eye following her cheekbone and spreading into her hairline. The bruising was faded, and his heart clenched at the thought of how much worse it must've looked several days ago.

He made an involuntary noise when he saw her swollen hand, and the Doctor shooed him away to the office. What the hell had she gone through? Her once delicate looking hand appeared crushed. Chakotay couldn't help but think of the last time he had seen her. He'd caught a glimpse of her struggling with two of the attackers in a transport that was speeding away. He'd seen the desperation on her face as she reached for the door only to be pulled back out of sight. The vision of her face in that moment had haunted him every minute of every day that she had been missing. Even now that they had her back, he was sure he'd continue to see it in his nightmares.

Voyager had immediately tried to lock transporters onto its captain, but she was nowhere to be found. The only human life sign registering on the planet immediately following the explosion was the Commander's. Security teams had beamed down and worked side by side with the locals, investigating the scene and forming search parties to scour the area. Government reinforcements had arrived and they'd immediately set out after the kidnappers, but to no avail. Three of the attackers that'd been injured and left behind were immediately taken into custody. The Councilor had been killed in the attack, and the Deputy Councilor had temporarily stepped into the role. Chakotay had been immediately suspicious of the man, but so far his suspicions had proven unfounded.

Interrogation of the Emers taken into custody had provided only minimal answers. They were too low in the chain of command to have all the details of the terrorists' plot. The detainees spouted the local nationalist party line of isolationism. The Councilor was to be convinced that his plans for the government were too radical. Off-worlders were not welcome on Emer, and trade should remain between the continents not between worlds. Apparently the plan had not included the death of the Councilor, nor did they know anything about kidnapping an off-worlder.

The information had not helped Chakotay. He'd blamed himself for not protecting Kathryn, but he'd also blamed her. As soon as the first explosion had gone off, he'd tried to shield her with his body, but she being who she was, had jumped up to help someone else. If she hadn't gotten herself kidnapped, he would have had quite a few choice words to say to her. The phrase 'mandatory protective detail for the captain on all away missions' would have been discussed. Now watching her still form on the biobed, he just wanted to hear her voice again.

Half an hour later, the Doctor joined him in the office. "She'll be fine, Commander."

Chakotay sunk into the chair near the Doctor's desk. Even though the Doctor had told him that earlier, a part of him hadn't dared to believe it as long as they had continued to work on her. "Doctor, what…"

"The Captain has an assortment of injuries. At some point she had a severe concussion from a blow to the head," the Doctor frowned then cleared his throat and continued. "But as she is still with us, I assume she worked through it."

"She's got a hard head, Doc," Chakotay said, in an attempt to cover up his own discomfort. He stood again and crossed to the window unwilling to take his eyes off of her for very long.

"Indeed, we can be thankful for small favors. She does, however, have a perforated eardrum, as well as contusions along the muscles in her back. Her left leg was fractured in two places with damage to the patella as well as the fibula. Her right hand has two fractures in it along the metacarpal of her thumb as well as damage to the carpals in her wrist. Both the injury to her leg and the injury to her hand were caused by blunt force trauma, and the surrounding muscle tissues will need extensive therapy before they are fully restored." The Doctor paused before continuing. "The Captain is malnourished and dehydrated. At some point, she was extremely dehydrated…she could have died as a result of it, but I imagine the river you pulled her out of was the main source for her rehydration. I've treated her for an alien bacterium that I found in her system, and Mr. Paris is taking care of the assorted bruises, cuts, and bumps she accumulated as well."

"Was she assaulted, Doctor?" Chakotay asked quietly watching as Tom used a dermal regenerator near her temple. The Commander kept his back to the Doctor as he clarified the question. "Sexually?"

"No. She was not treated well, but she was not abused in that particular manner." The Doctor joined him at the window. "I'm going to keep her sedated for the next thirty six hours at least. Her system has had quite a shock, and I need to conduct some deep tissue regeneration. I hope to at least have her electrolyte balance restored before I wake her. She's going to require some physical therapy to regain all of her mobility and dexterity. Not that she'll ever admit to it, but she's going to need some time to recover from this."

Chakotay gave him a small smile. "Thank you, Doctor."


	20. Chapter 20

_For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1 or part 12. _

* * *

Two days later, Chakotay could once again be found standing next to the Captain's bedside. For the better part of two days, he had stayed by her side unless ship's business or the Doctor had forced him to leave. She looked quite different now than she had when Harry had first beamed her aboard. All of her injuries had been healed, cosmetically at least if not in their entirety, she was dressed in blue medical garb, and she was clean. Chakotay wasn't sure who had seen to it, but her hair had been washed and all the mud from the river, as well as wherever else she had been, was completely soniced off. She still appeared shockingly thin for having been gone from the ship for a little over a week, but she had never been a large person to begin with despite her command persona. Assuming the Doctor was correct, and he usually was, she hadn't eaten the entire time she had been missing. A thought that continued to stoke Chakotay's ire.

He ran his hand over her hair, letting his thumb trail across the break in her eyebrow. The skin in that area was still slightly pink from regeneration, but he wondered if she'd keep the small memento. Her eyelids were fluttering, so he stepped back and called for the lights to go to fifty percent. He knew from experience that the bright lights of sickbay were always hard to take, and that someone looming over you when you first woke up was very disconcerting. He was expecting her to come around slowly, but Kathryn always did manage to surprise him.

She shot straight up to a sitting position, her eyes scanning the room, searching every corner before settling on him. She was breathing hard, staring at him. He tucked his chin a little bit as he spoke. "Kathryn? You're safe."

"You aren't real." Her voice sounded rough when she spoke. He wondered if it was from disuse or some other reason. She would have jumped off the biobed to move further away from him if it hadn't been for the Doctor appearing next to the bed.

"Welcome back, Captain," he said cheerfully, reaching for a tricorder.

"Doc, I think she's still slightly confused." Chakotay spoke quietly, not taking his eyes off of her.

"Well, that's understandable," the Doctor said, moving to scan her. When she flinched at his movement towards her, he stopped. His holographic features softened, and he slowly held up the tricorder where she could see it. "You're in sickbay. You were injured. We're only trying to help. You're safe here and will not be harmed."

She regarded them both warily, her eyes darting back and forth between the two men. Chakotay moved closer to the Doctor so she could easily see both of them at the same time. Her eyes narrowed. "This isn't a dream?"

"No, this is not a hallucination." The Doctor continued to hold the tricorder where she could see it. "May I scan you to check on your injuries?"

Kathryn studied him for another minute before giving him a quick nod of consent. She watched the tricorder closely, asking the Doctor to let her see the results. Her shoulders relaxed, and she closed her eyes, sighing with relief after seeing the readout. She opened her eyes and looked guiltily at the two men before her. "Sorry."

Chakotay relaxed, understanding that she was over her confusion. Then he realized she was studying him intently. "Kathryn?"

She never took her eyes off of him, but a small grin tugged at the corner of her mouth. "I knew I was right."

Chakotay was about to ask her what she was talking about when the Doctor interrupted. "How do you feel, Captain?"

She seemed to really consider his question before answering. "Nothing hurts."

"I'm sure that's an improvement," the Doctor commented and began flashing a light in her eyes. "You had numerous injuries, Captain. Do you recall how you accrued them?"

"Yes," she answered quietly. Chakotay saw her straighten her back and shoulders. He watched as she pulled her command mask into place, and the voice she spoke with next was the voice of the captain. "How long have I been gone?"

The Doctor noticed the change as well and sighed inwardly. The Captain was an even worse patient than Kathryn, if the two could be separated. She was already avoiding his questions and asking some of her own. He busied himself with checking her back while the Commander answered her question.

"You were missing for nine days, Captain."

"Only nine days," she said quietly, almost to herself.

Chakotay exchanged a quick glance with the Doctor before continuing, "And you've been here in sickbay for the better part of two days."

She nodded her understanding. "What's my condition?"

"I've healed most of your injuries, but your hand and leg are going to need some physical therapy before you are back to one hundred percent mobility with them," the Doctor said taking his cue. "They were _unusual_ breaks, Captain."

"I used a rock," she said almost dismissively.

Chakotay almost choked. "_You_ used a rock?"

Kathryn looked up, realizing how her statement must've sounded. Her hand was old news to her, and she hadn't really thought too much about it. But now she realized no one here knew yet what she had been through. She cleared her throat. "I, uh, had to use a rock on my hand…to free myself…from a cave."

Both men stared at her. The Doctor recovered first. "I see. Well, that explains some things. Did you use it on your leg as well?"

"No," she answered quickly, feeling self conscious with Chakotay still staring at her. He had yet to speak, and it was becoming very disconcerting. "They did that…the leg. I mean, they broke my leg. Can I have some water?"

"Of course. Commander, if you would please." The Doctor for once seemed happy at the change of subject. Chakotay didn't move, earning a frown from the Doctor. "Commander?"

"Chakotay?" Kathryn said his name quietly.

He practically jumped when she said his name but then nodded quickly. "Water. Sure."

He walked towards the replicator, and Janeway brought the Doctor's attention back to her. "When can I leave sickbay, Doctor?"

The Doctor let her see his exasperation. "You haven't been conscious thirty minutes yet, and already you're trying to leave."

"I'm really very tired, Doctor, and I would love nothing more than to sleep in my own bed. And as you said, you've taken exemplary care of me." She accepted the water from Chakotay and drank half the glass in one gulp.

"What I specifically said was that I have healed most of your injuries, Captain." He paused, watching her finish off the glass of water. "Although I am glad to see you taking in fluids; you need to continue to do so. And I do not mean coffee."

Her eyes lit up at the mention of it. She had purposefully not thought about coffee for several days. The Doctor saw her delight and pressed on quickly. "You need to take in plenty of fluids over the next ninety-six hours. Juices. Teas. Nothing caffeinated. I'm also giving you extra replicator rations. You need to eat, but you are going to have to start off with small portions and build yourself back up to regular sized meals."

She nodded her acquiescence, hoping that would get her paroled sooner. "Yes, Doctor. May I go?"

He sighed. "You are to report back here first thing in the morning so we can discuss your future treatments. I don't want you doing anything but resting in your quarters until then."

She raised an eyebrow at his order to report. "Is there anything else, Doctor?"

"I want the Commander to escort you to your quarters. I believe you are well enough to stay on your own, but I don't need some hapless ensign finding you passed out in a turbolift."

Kathryn glanced at Chakotay, who still hadn't spoken since the revelation about her hand. She could tell he was upset, but she wasn't entirely sure who or what he was upset with. She returned her attention to the Doctor. "Of course, Doctor."

She carefully got down from the biobed. Her knee still felt very sore, but nothing compared to the excruciating pain from before. The Doctor steadied her and made her take a few steps for him before he'd let her leave. As she and Chakotay were finally making their way to the door, the Doctor called out to her, "Contact me immediately if you have even the slightest symptoms. Headaches. Nausea."

Janeway waved him off. "I'm fine."


	21. Chapter 21

_For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1 or part 12. _

* * *

The Command team's progress down the corridor was slowed repeatedly by passing crewmembers welcoming their Captain home. Almost all of them had stopped by sickbay at least once during the past couple of days. News of her return had, of course, spread like wildfire throughout the ship, and the Doctor had almost resorted to locking the sickbay doors in order to keep all the well meaning visitors out.

By the time they reached the turbolift, Kathryn was exhausted. She was also tense. Chakotay had still not said a word. She looked down at her hands, admiring the Doctor's skill, and leaned against the lift wall for support.

"I know you're angry with me, Chakotay. I'm sorry."

Chakotay's head snapped up. "What?"

"You tried to protect me, but I jumped up. If I hadn't done that none of this would have ever happened."

"Hold lift," he said and turned towards her. "Kathryn, I wasn't angry at you for that."

She looked at him skeptically. He amended his statement. "Okay, I was upset, but that's who you are. You'd always put yourself in harm's way to try and save someone else. I'd never try and change you. I might try and lock you in a room to keep you safe, but I know you were just acting on instinct."

"But you've barely spoken since I mentioned what happened to my hand."

He gently took her by her shoulders. "Kathryn, I am incredibly angry about your hand, but not at you for doing it. I wish you'd never been put in that situation. I can't stand to think that some...asshole did this to you."

"Really, Chakotay?" She gave him a small grin at his choice of words, knowing he rarely resorted to using such vernacular. " 'Asshole'?"

"Well, yes." He smiled broadly at her. "There are just some people that no other name fits them."

She gave a small laugh, but then he could see her thoughts turn back as she said quietly, "He really was one."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Only when he asked her that question did she realize she had spoken aloud. In answer to his question, she just shook her head. "No, not yet, and definitely not here."

"Resume lift," he called. "You're right; the Doc will never forgive me if I don't get you to your quarters."

The lift deposited them on deck three and he walked her to her quarters. She hesitated at the door before entering the code. He looked at her curiously, but she just shook her head slightly, not answering his unspoken question. Instead she asked, "Join me for a minute?"

He followed her inside, and she crossed straight to the replicator, calling for a glass of water. He picked up a vase of dead flowers from the coffee table and took it over to be recycled. "Sorry, I forgot to check on your flowers for you."

She just waved her hand as she finished drinking the water. "Well, I did leave rather unexpectedly."

She'd tried to make a joke out of it, but they both grew quiet, knowing the seriousness behind the quip. Chakotay cleared his throat. "Well, why don't you change clothes, and I'll get something light for you to eat."

She looked down at the blue medical garb and grimaced, thinking about all the crewmen she had just spoken with in the corridors. She headed for her bedroom while Chakotay ordered chicken noodle soup for her with a glass of juice and a tea for himself. She came back into the room wearing a terry cloth robe that reached just past her knees.

He noticed she had a small limp and gestured to her knee as she sat down in the proffered chair. "Does that hurt?"

"Oh, yes," she said, reaching for the glass of juice. "But it's nothing compared to how it felt two days ago."

Frowning at her answer, he sat down across from her. She ate a few bites of soup while he fiddled with a scratch on the table's surface. When he didn't hear her spoon clinking against the bowl, he looked up. She was studying him, the spoon resting in the bowl. She had a most peculiar expression on her face.

"What is it?" he asked.

She blinked and shook her head, picking her spoon back up. "Nothing."

Chakotay was about to press her for more of an answer than that, but she cut him off with a question of her own. "How did you find me?"

He noticed her gaze was directed out of the viewports at the planet below. The officials of Emer had asked them to remain in orbit for a few extra days in hopes of finding the attackers.

"We almost didn't," he admitted.

She looked at him questioningly, and he obliged her.

"On the back of that tunic you were wearing was a small square patch. It was a homemade scrambler of sorts. It was meant to work against the government communication equipment, but it also worked against our scanners as well. All of the Emers that attacked were wearing them. That's how we lost track of you so quickly to begin with." He swirled his remaining tea. "If you hadn't gone into the river, we may never have found you. Apparently, the patches weren't completely waterproof."

"And to think, I almost didn't go into the water." Her voice trailed off as she thought about how she could still be in the jungle even now.

"Once Harry discovered that patch, the acting Councilor turned it over to his investigators. They were able to narrow some of the components used in it to a couple of old abandoned factories. The three factories were searched thoroughly, and they actually recovered a few hairs and a trace amount of blood that we were able to connect back to you."

"You found where I was held?" she asked, surprised.

He cocked his head. "I thought you said you were held in a cave?"

"I was held somewhere else before the cave," she explained. "Maybe it was this…factory."

"Unfortunately, a cursory search of that area had been completed just days earlier, but no one found anything at the time, so the search parties moved on." He balled up his fist at the thought that they had been so close. "If only we had known."

"You wouldn't have found me there," she said quietly.

"How do you know?"

"You say they searched it a few days prior to my rescue?"

He nodded.

"That must've been why they moved me. They probably thought the search parties were deliberately looking for me there." Kathryn shook her head impressed. "They had a back-up location. They really were well prepared."

Chakotay needed a minute to compose himself, so he busied himself with taking the dishes to the recycler. Controlling his desire to pound something, he returned to the table with a glass of water which she gladly accepted. He cleared his throat. "Well, they weren't prepared enough to hold onto Kathryn Janeway."

She held the glass in her hands. Staring into it, she said quietly. "I didn't do that much. No more than any trapped animal would've done."

Chakotay kneeled in front of her, taking the glass from her hands and setting it on the table. He gently took her hands in his. "Kathryn, you survived. You did what you had to in order to live. That took a lot of courage."

She stared at her hands in his and remembered the nightmare she'd had in the jungle. "Not that courageous."

"Kathryn, please look at me." He waited until her eyes met his. "You did what had to be done. And you're home now. You're safe."

She nodded slightly but didn't say anything more. He continued to hold her hands for a minute, hoping she would continue, but when she didn't he suggested she get some rest. She agreed so quickly that he was sure she was sound asleep before he made it out of her quarters. He was going to have to keep an eye on her, because he knew she'd want to just bury this and move on the way she always did with things that troubled her. She hadn't said much about what had happened, but her silences had spoken volumes.


	22. Chapter 22

_For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1 or part 12. _

* * *

"Janeway to Commander Chakotay."

Chakotay turned over on his back so that he could more easily reach his comm. badge in the confined Jeffries tube. "Go ahead, Captain."

"There's been a development on the surface. Apparently they've taken some Emers into custody, and they want me to come down and see if I can identify them."

Chakotay sat up at her statement, promptly hitting his head on the ceiling. "Why do you have to go down to the surface just to do that?"

"Apparently, their justice system only allows for face to face recognition. It'll probably take an hour or two."

It had been roughly two days since Kathryn had woken up in sickbay. The majority of her injuries had been completely healed, but she was still seeing the Doctor for physical therapy sessions. She usually left sickbay with a slight limp and a renewed determination to rewrite the Doctor's program. The Doctor also had her doing hand strengthening exercises by squeezing a little ball as she read reports. She had filed a report per regulation on her experience, but it held only the barest of details. Chakotay was still trying to coax her into talking about it, but so far she had resisted, insisting that everything was fine. Chakotay knew better, and now for her to go back down to the surface… He didn't like it.

"I'll be right there, Captain," he said, gathering up the tools he had been using to replace the relay he had stupidly volunteered to work on. He'd needed to get his mind off the planet and its myriad of unsolved mysteries for a little while, and he'd run into B'Elanna in the corridor carrying a toolkit. She'd complained that she was missing her lunch with Tom, because of a single relay burnt out in one of the farthest corners of the ship. Chakotay had offered to fix it for her, and she'd eagerly agreed.

"That's not necessary, Commander. I have Tuvok and Ayala with me. I just wanted you to be aware in case something comes up while I'm away."

Like the Captain getting kidnapped. Chakotay dismissed the thought. He considered trying to catch up to them before they beamed down, but knew he'd never make it. Knowing Kathryn, she was calling from the transporter platform at Tuvok's insistence. As much as he hated the idea of her going back down there, it wasn't like he could keep her on the ship for the rest of the journey home. "Acknowledged, Captain. You'll probably be back before I can get myself out of this tube."

"I'm sure you'll manage, Commander. Janeway out."

Chakotay debating contacting Ayala and threatening him with bodily harm if he let anything happen to the captain, but Ayala was probably already with Kathryn and if she overheard that call…it would not go over well. The more Chakotay thought about it, the stranger it seemed that she would take Tuvok _and_ Ayala with her. She probably didn't realize it, but by taking both of them she was showing just how nervous going down to the planet was making her. She'd rarely, if ever, taken more than one security guard down to a planet. He'd have to make sure and see her when she came back. He'd be able to gauge just by looking at her how it went.

Two hours later, the computer alerted Chakotay that the away team had returned to the ship. Unfortunately, he was elbow deep in repair work on a shuttle. He really wanted to catch up to Kathryn and talk to her, but he couldn't leave before finishing the engine maintenance he'd already started. He had parts strewn everywhere. His comm. badge beeped.

"Janeway to Chakotay."

She at least saved him from having to explain how he knew the minute she got back. "Go ahead, Captain."

"We're back aboard." There was a long pause. "I'm headed to my quarters."

"Did everything go well?" he asked and waited for a response. Nothing came. "Captain?"

"It was fine," she answered, sounding distracted.

"Okay. Are we still on for dinner at 1800?" he asked, trying to gauge her mental state by her response. They hadn't made any dinner plans because she had already been asleep by the time his shift ended the past two nights.

"Yes, that's fine. Janeway out."

Chakotay didn't even have a chance to respond before she cut the link. He made up his mind immediately to finish as soon as he could and drop by to see her. Things continued to work against him though, and two hours passed before he got all of the engine's parts back in their designated places. He had just sealed the hatch he'd been working on when he received a comm. call from B'Elanna.

"Chakotay here, but I'm not doing you any more favors B'Elanna," he answered.

"Are you alone?" she asked, surprising him. He glanced around the deserted shuttle bay.

"Yes. What's going on?"

"I'm having reports of low water pressure on decks one through five."

Chakotay was stumped as to what he was supposed to do with that information. "Okay."

"I checked, and the tanks are only half full because of a constant drain on them for the past hour and a half," B'Elanna elaborated. "The Captain's had the shower running in her quarters for all that time. Chakotay, no one on this ship ever takes showers for that long."

Chakotay was already on the move. "Did you comm. her?"

"She didn't answer any hails, but the computer said she was conscious," B'Elanna reported. "I thought about calling the Doctor, but I wanted to let you know first."

"Thanks Bel. I'm on my way there now. I'll take care of it. Chakotay out."

Chakotay made the trip from the shuttle bay to the captain's quarters in record time. He rang for entrance and not surprisingly he received no reply, so he used his override. The first thing he noticed upon entering her quarters were the empty drinking glasses scattered throughout the living area. There were a couple on the end table near the chaise, three on the coffee table in front of the couch, and four on her desk. The two glasses on the end of the desk looked to be the most recent as they still had water droplets pooling at the bottom of them. He also noticed her uniform jacket in a crumpled heap lying on top of her boots on the floor near the replicator.

He could hear the shower running, so he crossed into the bedroom. Noticing two more drinking glasses on her nightstand, he called out towards the bathroom door. "Kathryn?"

Again he received no answer. He activated the bathroom door to open, but did not go in. "Kathryn? Can you hear me? It's Chakotay."

"I'm coming in," he said when he received no reply yet again. Chakotay stepped into the bathroom and was shocked to see Kathryn sitting in the running water of the shower, still wearing her uniform pants and grey undershirt. She had her knees pulled up against her with her arms wrapped tightly around them. Her head was down and soaked hair fell forward, obscuring her face. Chakotay called for the computer to deactivate the water, and then opened the shower door.

"Kathryn?" he spoke quietly, taking a seat across from her and feeling the water on the shower floor soak through his pants. She raised her head at the sound of his voice, but her eyes were unfocused. He hesitated touching her. He didn't want to bring her out of her stupor by scaring her. "Kathryn, can you hear me?"

She looked at him when he spoke again but still remained quiet. He gently reached out a hand and slowly laid it on top of hers. "Kathryn, what's going on?"

She blinked a few times, and then her eyes focused on his. She spoke quietly. "I was thirsty."

He gently tucked her hair back so he could see her face better. "How do you feel now?"

She glanced quickly around the small shower and then settled her gaze on her black clad knees. "Wet?"

"Me too," he chuckled, trying to put her at ease. "What do you say we get out of the shower?"

She nodded, and he helped her to her feet. She still seemed very dazed as he handed her a towel. "Why don't you get dried and changed into something comfortable, and then meet me in the living room?"

Kathryn nodded and began drying the ends of her hair. Her movements seemed stilted, but Chakotay felt reasonably sure she would join him shortly. He went into the living room and removed his jacket and replicated a pair of sweats to change into. Once he had on the dry pants, he moved around the room picking up all the discarded glasses. He recycled them and then replicated some coffee for her and tea for himself. He also got a bread and cheese plate knowing that she would eat off it while they talked if it was in front of her.

Chakotay sat down on the couch and waited for her to join him. He'd been expecting something to happen, but he hadn't expected to find himself sitting across from her in a shower. Tuvok and Ayala had both contacted him upon their return to the ship, and reported that nothing unexpected had happened while they were on the planet.

But _something_ had happened. Something had finally triggered this response in her. He knew Kathryn would be very embarrassed about what had just happened, and that he was going to have to get her past that before they would be able to get anything accomplished.

The doors to her bedroom slid open, and Kathryn padded barefoot into the living room. She had an oversized t-shirt on with old academy sweat pants. She tucked an errant strand of damp hair behind her ear with one hand while running her other hand across the surface of her desk. When she finally spoke, it almost seemed as though she was addressing the desk rather than herself or Chakotay.

"I guess we should talk."


	23. Chapter 23

_For Disclaimers, thank-you's, dedications, and acknowledgements please see part 1 or part 12. _

* * *

Chakotay watched as Kathryn's eyes skimmed around the room, looking everywhere but at him. Her gaze rested on the coffee mug he had set out for her. She glanced towards the replicator as though on the verge of requesting something else, but then changed her mind and sat down on the couch. She reached for the cup and stared into it before taking a sip. A brief smile slipped across her face as she lowered the mug. "It's still good."

Chakotay frowned. "Is that your first cup since you've been back?"

"I've replicated a few, but never got past the first sip. All I've wanted was water," she confessed.

"You mean that's your first cup of coffee since you woke up in sickbay?" he asked, incredulous.

She nodded, drinking more of the warm liquid.

"Kathryn, if I'd known that, I wouldn't have let you out of my sight. I knew something was troubling you, but I had no idea it was that bad."

Cradling the mug in her hands, she leaned back against the cushions of the couch. "You knew something was wrong?"

He nodded.

She sighed, "Guess I wasn't hiding it as well as I thought."

"You did well enough for most people. The away team reported to me that everything went well on the planet. Your acting skills were good enough to fool both of them."

"The away team?" she asked. "You mean Ayala and Tuvok. They _both_ reported to you?"

He tugged on his ear. "I'm still feeling a bit protective."

"_Over_protective, don't you think?"

"Maybe," he shrugged. "But I do think I'm entitled. At least for another couple of days."

"Alright." She held up one finger. "This time."

Chakotay grinned at her small acceptance, but the grin disappeared as the thought of how he'd found her moments earlier flashed through his mind. "So, how was the planet?"

"Fine." She picked off the plate and avoided his eyes.

"Kathryn?" he prompted. "What happened today?"

"Nothing," she said and looked up to see him about to object. "No, really. Nothing happened today. Everything went fine. We went down. They showed me some suspects they brought in for questioning. I didn't recognize any of them. We met with the Vice Councilor, well the Councilor now, and then we came back. That was it."

He leaned forward and set his now empty cup down on the coffee table. "When you called me earlier to tell me you were back on Voyager, you sounded very distracted."

"I called you?" she asked quietly.

He regarded her closely. "You don't remember?"

She shook her head, looking a little more concerned now.

"It wasn't much of a conversation, but we did speak. I even confirmed our dinner plans for this evening."

Kathryn frowned. "We didn't have dinner plans for tonight. Did we?"

"No."

She continued to frown. "You were testing me?"

He shrugged and nodded. "You didn't pass."

"Now that I think about it," Kathryn's brow was furrowed in concentration. "I can't even remember getting back to the ship."

"What's the last thing you remember actually physically doing? Something you remember hearing? Or touching?"

Chakotay watched Kathryn as she thought back over the past few hours. He knew as soon as she lit on it. Her eyes widened slightly, and she sucked in a quick breath. "_Ulshner_. When we met with the Councilor, he offered us _ulshner_."

Chakotay remembered the drink they'd had during the negotiations. They'd laughed about Neelix adding leola root to it, and then offering it as a better-than-coffee substitute. He couldn't connect how that would have sent her into the tailspin that left her sitting in the shower.

"I remember my mouth went completely dry as soon as I smelled it. My mind just went blank. I felt like I was back on the floor of that cave breathing dust, and all I could think about was getting some water. I have no idea what I must've said to the Councilor." She put a hand to her temple. "I guess it couldn't have been too bad or Tuvok would've mentioned it. I vaguely recall talking to you sometime after that, but it feels like I was disconnected as if I was on autopilot. The only thing that mattered was getting something to drink. I couldn't get to my quarters fast enough."

Kathryn stared at the replicator, lost in thought. "I felt like I was burning up, and I took off my jacket. But then I was shivering. I stood there drinking glass after glass. I just kept refilling them, but I couldn't get enough."

"I guess that's when I got in the shower," she said, and then something else occurred to her. "How long was I in there?"

Chakotay wasn't sure what he should tell her, but he decided on the truth since she was likely to find out anyway. "Long enough for B'Elanna to call me about low water pressure on decks one through five."

Kathryn's cheeks colored. "Oh, God. B'Elanna knows, too?"

"No," he said quickly, trying to reassure her. "She knew you had your shower on for a long time, and she was a little concerned, but that's all she knows. The Doctor doesn't even know anything."

"The Doctor would probably lock me up if he knew," she commented, shaking her head. "He'd probably be right to do so."

Chakotay didn't think the Doctor would do that, but he was also of the opinion that he didn't need to know about this situation either. "What was it about the _ulshner_, Kathryn?"

She stayed quiet for a few minutes, and he gave her the space. Finally, she cleared her throat. "_He_ had some."

Noticing the question on Chakotay's face, Kathryn elaborated, "There was one particular Emer, he was the leader of the group that kidnapped me, and…he came in to talk to me several times. One of those times, he had _ulshner_ with him. In fact, he made it a point to drink it in front of me. That was also the first time he made it clear that he had no intention of keeping me alive."

Chakotay waited to see if she was going to continue. She seemed completely lost in thought, but he felt there had to be more to it than that. After all, they had been told by dozens of species that they were going to be killed. It had never fazed her before. "That wasn't it though, was it?"

"No, not really," she said and shook her head ever so slightly. She moistened her lips and fiddled with a small piece of bread. "Don't get me wrong, I believed him, but I think his casual pronouncement stunned me more than anything. He had that 'air' about him, and I knew he meant it."

"But the thing that I didn't acknowledge at the time, and still haven't until now really," she swallowed tightly before forcing the next words out. "When he came into the room that time… I was glad to see him."

She shook her head in disbelief at herself. "Can you imagine? I was actually happy when he came into the room. How crazy is that? I mean, how hard up does a person have to be to look forward to seeing someone that they know is planning to kill them?"

"You didn't know that at the time. You said so yourself. That was the first time he made his intentions clear."

Kathryn wiped a hand across her cheek. "He kidnapped me, knocked me unconscious, and stripped me of my clothes. How could I possibly look forward to seeing him? And yet, I did. When that son of a bitch came into the room, I was so goddamn glad to see him…"

Chakotay was trying to focus. Her casually throwing out the comment that she had been stripped naked while she was unconscious had caused his throat to immediately seize up at the thought. She'd certainly left that out of the report. He cleared his throat and managed to articulate a response. "Kathryn, he was your only link to the outside world. It's not that surprising that you began to…like him."

"I. Did. Not. Like. Him." She actually stood when she spoke she was so vehement in her denial.

Chakotay held up in his hands in supplication. "I didn't mean you were attracted to him. I simply meant you identified with him. Maybe understood him?"

"No!" she said, turning away from him. She paced towards the desk and rested her hands on the surface of it. Her shoulders slumped a little. "Well, maybe. I don't know."

She turned back and leaned against the desk. She started out looking at Chakotay, but crossed her arms and ducked her head as she spoke, "I had a drink with him."

At this simple statement, Chakotay wanted nothing more than to go over and put his arms around her, but he knew it wasn't the right moment for that. No matter how much they both needed it. He simply urged her to continue by patiently waiting.

"I, uh, I tried to escape." She cleared her throat. "And that's when they broke my leg. He held a knife to my throat, and I thought he was going to kill me... It was that close. But then he pulled back. He told me later it wouldn't have been professional to kill me when he was angry."

"I think that's the one thing I understood about him," she said continuing. "He didn't want to attach any personal feelings to me or anything he did to me."

Her voice trailed off as she became lost in her own thoughts. Chakotay continually had to push his rage down. As Kathryn spoke, she was telling him all the little details that she'd left out of the report. He'd known her life had been in obvious danger, but her report had glossed over just how close it had been. She'd also neglected to mention that they'd broken her leg in retaliation for her escape attempt. He needed to focus on her well-being right now, but later he was definitely going to have to reprogram his holodeck boxing partner to look like an Emer.

Exhaling a deep breath, he was able to speak again. "You said you had a drink with him?"

"Huh? Oh. Yeah," she said, crossing back to the couch to sit down. "It was after they broke my leg. Hours I'd guess, but I'm not sure. I didn't even hear him come into the room that time, and when I realized he was in there with me…..I thought maybe he'd changed his mind and decided to kill me after all."

"But he didn't. We just sat there and had a drink together." A brief smile appeared. "I almost threw the drink in his face."

Chakotay cocked his head to the side. "For some reason, I have no difficulty imagining you doing that. What stopped you?"

Her smile disappeared as she remembered why she hadn't. She just pursed her lips and shook her head, not answering.

Chakotay wasn't sure what just happened, but he tried a different question. He leaned forward conspiratorially. "What made you want to throw it in his face?"

Kathryn looked at him for a long moment considering how much to tell him. "He offended my delicate sensibilities."

Chakotay let out a short bark of laughter. "Okay. If you don't want to tell me the truth, you don't have to."

She watched as he collected their empty mugs and crossed to the replicator. She ate some more of the cheese and bread, and he brought her back a glass of juice instead of more coffee. She frowned at him, but snatched the glass when he acted like he would take it away. He sat down and pulled the half empty tray towards himself, playfully swatting her hand away. Kathryn lay down on the couch on her back, balancing the juice glass on her stomach, and looked out at the stars.

"I thought a lot about Voyager while I was out there," she said quietly.

"Everyone on Voyager thought a lot about you while you were gone," he replied honestly.

Kathryn turned over to her side and put the juice on the coffee table. She tucked a pillow under her head so she could still see him easily. "The first night I could see the stars, I looked for Voyager. I finally found her and watched her for as long as I could. It kind of felt like she was watching over me that night."

Chakotay smiled at the dreamy look on Kathryn's face as her eyes slowly closed. He knew she was exhausted, and tonight had taken an emotional toll as well. He was worried there still might be a few demons left, but for tonight he could tell she'd be asleep within minutes. He spoke quietly in case she already was asleep. "Kathryn?"

"Hmmmm?" She barely opened her eyes.

"I'm going to go. Why don't you…."

She reached out and grabbed his hand before he could get up. "Don't. Just stay for a little while longer. Please."

"Of course," he said and stroked her hand. She immediately relaxed, and her eyes fell closed again. He waited a minute, knowing she wasn't asleep yet. "Kathryn?"

She cracked one eye open to look at him.

"Why don't you go get in your bed? I'll stay till you fall asleep, but at least this way you won't have a sore neck in the morning."

"You caught me," she said, sitting up slowly. He chuckled at how her hair was already mussed. She made it to her feet and wobbled towards the bedroom, while he picked up their few dishes and recycled them, and then pulled up a chair next to her bed.

She was already under the covers and lying on her side, but he noticed her eyes stayed open, watching him until he had gotten comfortable.

"You want me to tell you a story?" he teased her so she'd know he didn't mind staying.

"No," she grumbled from her cocoon. Ordering the lights lower, he stretched his legs out and leaned his head back. Chakotay looked up at the stars, just as she had done from the couch. He'd thought she had gone to sleep already, but was surprised to hear her mumble, "Thank you."

_

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_

To all my readers, thank you so much, you've been great! Thanks for sticking with me. Tune in tomorrow as we bring this story to a close. :)


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Paramount and TPTB as well as Ellen Emerson White. The fanfic author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

_Author's note:__ This fanfic is based on the story line of a book by Ellen Emerson White titled Long Live the Queen. I mean no disrespect to the author as the book was a story I enjoyed immensely. I read it years ago, and recently thought about how good a story it would be for Kathryn Janeway. _

_This one is for Ria! Thank you QS for your unending and unerring help and support! _

* * *

Two more days passed, and the planet's government had not found the attackers. Tuvok reported that they had no further leads to pursue. Despite the desire for justice, Voyager broke orbit and resumed course for the Alpha Quadrant. Without Kathryn there to give testimony, even if the Emers responsible were eventually captured, they would not be tried for any of their crimes against her. With the stars streaking past the viewports at warp speed again, the majority of the ship heaved a sigh of relief, thankful to put this planet behind them.

Chakotay felt good to be on the move again, but he worried how Kathryn had really taken the news. The new Councilor had contacted the ship personally to express his remorse at their departure, and she had taken the call in her ready room. She'd left the bridge after taking the call, and she hadn't come back. Chakotay had casually checked the water levels of decks one through five and was relieved to see that they were normal.

Voyager had spent the past two days and nights orbiting Emer. Having little else to do but wait for news from the planet, the command team spent the evenings together in Kathryn's quarters. They'd spoken at length. Kathryn told him all about her escape attempt and its repercussions. With astonishing detail, she recounted her last few moments in the building where she'd been held. He'd almost spit out the tea he'd been drinking when she told him she'd actually bitten one of her captors in her desperation to avoid the injection they'd given her. She described the bitter frustration of waking up in the cave, still chained, and admitted that she hadn't really expected to wake up at all. He'd been horrified to hear her description of using a rock to smash her own hand in order to escape the chain, but found he couldn't fault her for the decision. If she hadn't done it, he would not be speaking to her now. There was no doubt that she would have died in that cave and Voyager would never have known what had happened to her. The thought sent cold chills through his body. But he was able to share in her joy as she told him about having found water at last, and then she told him about her decision to go into the river.

Apart from the end bits of her tale, Chakotay found that listening to Kathryn recall the events she'd survived was difficult. He'd done his best to keep his own anger at how she'd been treated at bay, and to simply listen as she talked. She of course demanded to know every little detail she'd missed while she'd been held captive. He couldn't help smiling at her predictability, taking it as a good sign for her recovery as he described all the different methods they had used to try and find her. He'd joked that he knew most of the dignitaries of Emer better than any planet they'd ever visited before. He told her how the crew was now intimately familiar with every corner of the planet because of the endless search teams they'd sent down to try and find her. He'd ended by recalling how hard Harry had worked to bring her back without flooding sickbay. She'd laughed at the idea of the Doctor working knee deep in muddy river water.

Kathryn had returned to duty the previous day with the agreement that she would only stay on the bridge for four hours. She'd tried to extend her time by going into her ready room, but the Doctor, in an extremely bold move, beamed her to her quarters. He had conveniently gone off line for repairs by the time she reached sickbay.

Neelix had, of course, wanted to throw a party to celebrate the captain's return, but Kathryn had begged off, citing exhaustion. Thankfully, he had relented almost immediately not wanting to put any stress on her, and suggested they have it in a few weeks when she was feeling more up to it. She hadn't agreed, but she assumed within a few weeks he would have found another reason for a party anyway.

Chakotay's shift finally ended, and he headed to her quarters, ringing for entrance at the door. When he didn't receive an answer, he asked the computer for her location, and was surprised when the computer informed him that she was in the holodeck. He felt a lump in his throat and spun on his heel. He had a gut feeling that nothing good could come from Kathryn being in the holodeck right now.

When he arrived at the holodeck, Chakotay queried the computer to find out what program was running. "Janeway Alpha Delta nine four eight."

Chakotay frowned not getting any information from this response. "Is there a privacy lock in place?"

"Affirmative."

"Are the safety protocols activated?"

"Safety protocols have been disabled."

"Chakotay to Janeway," he said, slapping his comm. badge.

"Go ahead."

"May I join you?" he asked. He was surprised to hear her laugh. It was a small laugh, but not at all what he had been expecting.

"Come on in."

Chakotay entered the holodeck and was surprised again when he saw the scenery spread out before him. There were rolling fields of green and gold as far as he could see. A gently rising hill with an expansive willow tree stood several meters in front of him. Managing to catch a glimpse of red through the swaying branches, he knew where he'd find her. He walked through the tall grass towards the tree and looked up. Kathryn Janeway was sitting in the tree's branches looking down at him.

"Not what you were expecting?" she asked.

"No, not at all," he laughed. "Are you coming down?"

She shook her head, a smile playing across her face.

He sighed.

"Surely, a descendant of the Rubber Tree People can climb a tree?" she mocked, still wearing a grin.

Within a few minutes, Chakotay was perched on a branch across from her and slightly higher. He noticed that she wasn't on a branch so much as she was cradled by a bend in the tree limbs. "I think you're a lot more comfortable than I am."

"I should be," she said. "I made the specifications exactly the way I wanted."

A breeze blew through the tree limbs and Chakotay looked distinctly uncomfortable. "So, where are we, Kathryn? Indiana?"

"Yep. Farm country."

"Bloomington?"

"Not really. I may make it more specific later, but just programming this in a hurry, I left a lot of generalizations."

"Except for the tree?"

"Except for the tree," she acknowledged. Kathryn closed her eyes enjoying the breeze. "Should I ask what you were expecting to find?"

He watched her, glad to see the peaceful look on her face. "I wasn't expecting to find you sitting in a tree."

"Let me guess." She opened her eyes and leveled her blue gaze in his direction. "You thought you'd find any number of macabre situations where I'd be taking out all the injustices of the universe on a holographic Emer whose looks were strikingly similar to that of my captor."

"Well, uhm, yes actually," he admitted.

She leaned her head back again. "You missed that show."

Chakotay nodded then stopped. "Wait. What?"

"You weren't entirely wrong. I came down here to do exactly that, Chakotay. I spent thirty minutes inputting program specifications so I could physically destroy that Emer. I wanted to get a bat'leth and cut him to pieces. Or use your boxing program and punch him until he was a bloody mess. I even considered running Sandrine's so I could beat him over the head with a pool cue." She shrugged. "And then I realized what a complete waste of time and energy that would be. So I deleted that file, brought up some generalizations of farm country, gave specifics for my 'thinking' tree, and here I am."

"You're a lot more creative than I am," he said. "The only scenario I came up with was the boxing program."

Janeway scoffed. "I'm sure B'Elanna could've thought of twice as many scenarios if she had been in my position."

"B'Elanna would've completely destroyed the holodeck by now just so she could rebuild it," Chakotay said, trying to readjust to a more comfortable position. "So, how do you feel about all of it?"

"All of what?"

"Leaving the planet. The one responsible for all of this not being caught yet."

"He won't be caught," she said quietly.

"Kathryn, even professionals make mistakes. Eventually, he'll be caught."

"Maybe, but I doubt it." She looked away from him and out over the field. "I've been sitting here thinking about how he saved my life."

That caught Chakotay's attention. "What?"

"He didn't kill me, Chakotay. I thought he was going to. He probably should have, but he didn't." She looked thoughtful. "I don't know why that is."

"Kathryn, _you_ saved your own life. He had nothing to do with that." Chakotay wanted to get this clear in her head. "I don't know why he left you in that cave, but he did _not_ do you any favors. The only reason you're still here is because of who _you_ are. Not him."

"But the point is that he left me alive in that cave."

"Kathryn, he left you chained up in a cave with no food and no water. He wasn't expecting you to escape. He left you to die a slow, painful death." Chakotay tried to calm down so he could make his point. "_You_ saved yourself. Don't _ever_ give him credit for that."

When she continued to look unconvinced, Chakotay pressed on. "You said it yourself. They were very prepared. If they moved you to that cave because they thought the search parties were on to them, maybe they left you alive in case they got caught. As long as they knew where you were, they could have the final say."

Kathryn flexed her hand, studying the movement of her thumb. The last time she had inspected it this closely, she had been trying to decide how to break it. Now she marveled at the fact that she could still use her hand. "Well, I guess that's the one thing he wasn't prepared for then."

Chakotay felt hopeful at the small grin he saw tugging at the corner of her mouth. "What's that?"

The grin morphed into her half smile. "I always get the last word."

Chakotay had a genuine laugh at her comment, thinking about all the times she'd gotten the last word with him, whether she'd won the argument or not. He only lasted a few more minutes balancing uncomfortably on his branch before he spoke up, breaking the companionable silence. "Kathryn, I love you, but I can't do this anymore."

"What?" she looked up, startled.

"I'm too old to keep doing this," he complained, not realizing what he said or how it sounded. "This branch is really uncomfortable. Can't we go someplace else?"

"Oh." She gave him a shaky smile. Had he just said what she thought he did? "Of course, I'm sure my holodeck time is just about up anyway."

Thankful, he slid off the limb and jumped down to the ground. "Actually, it isn't. The holodeck is yours for the rest of the day."

Chakotay watched Kathryn skillfully climb out of the tree. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" she asked, joining him on the ground.

"How can you climb a tree wearing those boots?"

She just laughed and dusted off the seat of her pants. "What were you saying about my holodeck time?"

"Doctor's orders. Provided you turn the safeties back on," he amended, and she looked properly chagrined. "The holodeck has been medically prescribed for you for as long as your therapy session is needed."

"My therapy session?" Kathryn grinned mischievously. "I wonder how long we could stretch this out?"

"Considering that stunt he pulled on you yesterday," he commented, noticing her eyes immediately narrow at the reminder. "I'd say we have plenty of time."

"Hmmm, I'd have to agree."

"May I?" he asked, gesturing to their surroundings.

She nodded, curious to see where he'd take them.

"Computer, activate Chakotay November epsilon three six."

The holodeck grid morphed through a series of changes, but they were still standing in a green field when the new program was finished loading. The rolling hills were gone, replaced by a cabin nestled at the end of the field where the grass met the trees of a forest. Kathryn looked around, recognizing New Earth when she saw it. She raised an eyebrow in his direction.

Chakotay cleared his throat. He'd been unsure about bringing her here, but the cabin really was a great setting where they could continue their conversation. He gestured towards it. "I have a really comfortable couch and chairs inside."

"Okay," she nodded and began walking towards the cabin. When she got to the porch, she stopped and turned around, surveying the view. "This program is a lot nicer than my version. I had us still living in that shelter."

Chakotay was stunned and could only stare as she opened the door and walked inside the cabin, leaving him standing on the porch. He had to shake himself and remember to move his feet to join her.

His heart warmed at the sight of her walking around his living room. She was curiously inspecting everything. The unfinished wood carving that was setting on the end table. A sand painting he had hanging on the wall. Kathryn stopped in front of the mantel to examine the pictures he had programmed there more closely.

There were five picture frames. Four were pictures from Voyager, presumably taken by the Doctor. One was of the entire senior staff with Kes, and then another one was with Seven. He had a picture of himself with his arms wrapped around B'Elanna from behind, and they were both laughing. The picture next to it was an image of a dark haired younger woman. Her hair was pulled back and the tattoo over her temple was easily recognizable. Kathryn picked it up. "Sekaya?"

Chakotay nodded and joined her, looking at the pictures. "Sveta sent it in the letter from home. I had to put her and B'Elanna next to each other. My two sisters."

Kathryn smiled and placed the frame back in its spot. The last frame held a profile shot of her and him talking to each other. He was looking down at her, smiling with his hands on his hips, and she was laughing with her hand on his chest. She picked it up, "I always liked this picture of us."

"Me too," he said, watching as her fingertips trailed across the surface.

"Can you remember what we were discussing?"

"I have no idea."

"Me neither," she laughed.

"Coffee?"

"Yes, please," she said, taking a seat on the couch. It was quite large and comfy. Kathryn kicked off her shoes and stretched her legs out along the length of the couch tucking her feet under one of the overstuffed pillows.

"Here you go." Chakotay handed her a steaming mug and pulled a heavily padded chair close enough to the couch so he could prop his feet up near hers.

She sipped her drink, relishing the warmth. "Hmmmm, coffee with Chakotay. Always a good thing."

He cocked his head at her in question. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, nothing. Just a conclusion I came to while I was down on the planet." She sipped her drink. "A few minutes ago, when we were in the tree…"

Chakotay waited for her to finish her sentence, but her voice had trailed off completely. "What about it?"

Kathryn cleared her throat. "You said you loved me."

"I did?"

She nodded, feeling more uncomfortable now but forging ahead regardless. "You just kind of casually threw it out there, so I wondered if you really meant it."

"Of course I meant it." He leaned forward. "I never meant for it to be so casual, but loving you is such a part of me that I didn't realize I'd said it aloud. I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable."

"But you meant it?"

"Yes, Kathryn. I love you and I have for a long time." He said, almost laughing at the idea that she had to ask. He grew serious when he realized how hesitant she seemed about bringing it up. "You did know that didn't you?"

"Yes. I mean, no." She stopped and took a breath. "Yes, I thought so, but Chakotay we can't…"

"Kathryn, I know. It's okay. I know you have your reasons for us not starting a relationship, and I even agree with some of them." He joined her on the couch. "But it doesn't change how I feel about you."

She was stunned. "And you're okay with this?"

"Most days," he admitted. "Some days are harder than others. Just because it's an unrequited love doesn't mean I stop loving you."

"It's not unrequited," she said, taking his hand. "Unacknowledged, maybe. But never unrequited."

He smiled. "So, does that mean it is acknowledged?"

"I guess so," she laughed lightly. "But is that enough?"

"It has been for this long. Our current circumstances don't allow for us to be together right now. But we'll get home one day, and when we do…" he didn't complete his sentence but gave her a very openly appraising look.

Kathryn raised her eyebrow at his audacity, and he gave her the full dimples. She laughed, and they relaxed into the couch each with their own thoughts. Her mind was racing. In the precious few moments she had ever allowed herself to think about how this particular conversation might go, this had not been at all what she'd ever imagined it to be.

Kathryn broke the silence. "This isn't going to make things strange between us?"

He shrugged. "Maybe a little, but really, I see only one major difference between yesterday and today."

"Only one?"

"Yes. Stay with me," he knew she was about to object, but he held her off. "Yesterday, I loved you. I was pretty sure you loved me. I knew we couldn't act on it, and so I looked forward to the day we got home, knowing that nothing would stop me from pursuing you then."

She considered what he said. What he was saying made sense. Sort of. "And today?"

"Today. Tomorrow. The next time you disappear on a planet, I will at least know that you know how loved you truly are." He paused. "If you hadn't come back from that planet, if we had lost you, I would have had to live the rest of my life hoping you knew. Wishing I had told you. If something were to happen tomorrow and I died, I'd regret having never held you in my arms, but at least I would have told you in plain words exactly how I feel. I love you, Kathryn. There's nothing else to it."

"I never thought it could be that simple," she said after several minutes. "No rank, no protocol, no stories or metaphors."

He smiled at her mention of stories. He'd often wondered if he had just come right out and said the words that night on New Earth if things would've worked out differently. "And I don't want you to feel like…."

"I love you, too Chakotay," she said cutting him off. She put a hand up to her head. "Wow. That feels really good to say."

He laughed, "It does, doesn't it?"

"I always heard confession was good for the soul, but I never really understood it until now."

"Feels like a weight's been lifted?" he asked.

"Yes," she said, amazed.

She couldn't help but think of all the times she'd felt uncomfortable around him because she hadn't wanted to say too much. Or say the wrong thing. How often did their conversations over dinner end awkwardly because of all the things they weren't saying. And now? Now that was all academic. She was sure there would be new innuendo in things they said now, but he was right. It didn't really change anything. She'd loved him before today, and somewhere deep inside she'd known it for a long time. She'd always thought admitting she loved him would distract her from getting Voyager home, but now it gave her all new purpose. It totally and utterly renewed her drive. She looked over at him, and he was watching her with a grin on his face.

"What?" she asked.

"Just watching your wheels spin," he said, his grin never fading. "Relax, Kathryn. Don't run yourself into the ground trying to get us home tomorrow just because of this revelation."

She laughed out loud. "Am I really that easy to read?"

"Only to me."

"Alright, I wont try and get us home tomorrow," she said and settled back against the cushions, conveniently placing herself underneath his outstretched arm. They were quiet for a minute before Kathryn turned her head to look at him. "How's next week sound?"

* * *

To say he was surprised to find out she was still alive was putting it mildly. The Emer sat in a booth at the back of the smoke filled bar and watched silently as the news reels continued to show footage of the off world captain walking with the newly appointed Councilor of Emer. The red headed female had also released a short statement thanking the people of Emer for their efforts in attempting to locate her. He'd watched the videos repeatedly to see if he could detect any obvious signs from her captivity, but aside from a small break in her eyebrow he could discern nothing. She didn't even have a limp. Obviously, the Voyager's medical capabilities surpassed that of the planet's. The Emer briefly considered that it was all a ruse to give the people a news story that they wanted to hear. He knew he could go out to the cave and find out for himself if she had truly been rescued. But he found he rather liked the idea that she was still alive. The Emer grinned and raised his drink in salute to her image on the viewscreen. The universe was certainly a more interesting place with Kathryn Janeway in it.

finis

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Thank you to all the readers! You've been wonderful, and I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!


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